Casey Heckman

Amy Pohler's Sarah Palin Rap

2008-10-19T00:48:00.000-07:00

One of the funniest SNL bits ever...

5th Anniversary Approaches for Mars Rovers

2008-10-12T23:23:00.000-07:00

All but forgotten in recent media, NASA's Mars rovers Spirit and Opportunity in about 2 months will be each have been on Mars for 5 years. If they both make it that long, they will have survived more than 20 times longer than they were designed for (90 days).

If that weren't enough, both the rovers have accomplished their mission: performing geological experiments to determine whether liquid water existed on Mars in such quantities that it could have supported life. Naturally, both rovers have answered some questions, and but opened up so many more.

As for their current health, both rovers are showing their age: Spirit has a broken wheel, requiring it to climb uphill backwards, and its solar panels are so coated with fine Martian dust, that it only gets enough sunlight to stay in operation about 5 months out of the year. It's almost Springtime in the southern hemisphere on Mars right now, so Spirit is charging up its batteries for more exploration. Opportunity, meanwhile has an injured shoulder joint on its robotic arm, but is otherwise in good health, and is setting off on an epic 12km journey toward Endeavour Crater, supported by imaging from the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter, which arrived in orbit back in November, 2006.

Here are a couple of short Flash videos, almost 2 years old now, briefly describing the first 3 years in the life of Spirit and Opportunity.

If you want to stay up-to-date in the coming months approaching the anniversary, here's the status page.

In April 2009, NASA will be selecting the landing site for the Mars Science Laboratory rover, to launch in September, and to arrive on the red planet in July or September of 2010. Here's a neat picture showing its size relative to the Spirit and Opportunity rovers, as well as to the much smaller Sojourner rover that was delivered by the Pathfinder lander.

In hard economic times, it's easy to question the benefit of such costly space exploration. But, I beleive exploration beyond our tiny corner of the universe serves to keep our imagination alive, giving us and our children inspiration to look beyond our everyday trifles, beyond the boundaries of states and nations, and to come together, as a species, for the greater good. In the approaching dark months, it will be helpful to have some good news, and to have men and women that we can congratulate for a job well done.

Global Financial Crisis, The Proposed Solution

2008-10-08T13:11:00.000-07:00

In my previous post, I outlined the causes of the financial crisis, and pointed out that the problem is not that the housing and financial markets are declining, but that it is all happening too fast.

So, what does the so-called "bailout package" or "rescue plan", being implemented by the government doing to fix the problem?

1. It does nothing to address rapidly falling housing prices. Homebuyers who are defaulting on their loans get no assistance.

2. It does nothing to help stabilize banks that made bad loans, but who are otherwise in good financial shape. Banks will continue to fail, businesses will continue to have problems getting credit, prices will increase, and the recession will deepen.

3. It does nothing to retroactively enforce regulations on Wall Street that were violated, and imposes no new regulations. Anger will turn to rage.

4. It does very little to increase the assets or reduce the debts of financial firms that held these mortgage-backed securities. It does convert some of their assets into liquid cash. So, some of these firms will stay afloat, but have no incentive to change their ways.

5. It does nothing to address the interdependence of global financial markets, or the ability of any financial institution to inject capital into any other. E Pluribus Unum, indeed.

6. It helps only slightly the ability of some financial institutions to lend money to one-another by liquidating their bad assets. The financial markets will stay afloat for a few weeks or months, until they declare another crisis.

In other words, the bailout package is treating the symptoms, not the disease. The disease is falling housing prices and unemployment.

It isn't right to even call the bailout package a "trickle-down" solution. That implies a picture that puts the little guy, the Homebuyer who is just trying to make his/her mortgage payment, at the bottom of all this.

In fact, the little guy is at the top. The ability of the little guy to survive a recession is the key to getting out of it. The sooner we start helping the little guy, the sooner we can start to call this crisis solved.

Any plan or package that does not aim to help the little guy cannot rightly be called a solution, let alone a "rescue plan".

Again, I am not saying anything new here.

Global Financial Crisis, The Problem

2008-10-08T11:26:00.000-07:00

I'm no economist, so I won't pretend to be putting forth any brilliant ideas. This is just my analysis of what I've read.

The main problem here, the reason it is being called a "crisis", is not that banks and other finance institutions are going out business. It is that it is all happening too fast.

1. Home prices were and still are overinflated. They need to come down. That's a good thing if current homeowners are given time to react to it. Homebuyers need opportunities to refinance as prices readjust, and communities need opportunities to revitalize.

2. Banks made bad loans, just like they did 20 years ago. And they should be taught a lesson. That's a good thing if banks are given time to react to it. Banks who are otherwise in good financial shape need time to be able to recover from these losses, and to explain to their shareholders what they did and why they did it.

3. Wall Street firms were involved in a number of questionable business practices, including selling shares of questionable securities at overinflated prices. Those prices have now dropped, and these firms are closing their doors. That, too, is a good thing if the rest of the market has time to react to it.

4. Financial firms are now being stuck with sharply reduced asset values while their debt has remained. Investors are pulling out. Investors are learning a lesson about investing in an institution that has made unwise choices about where it puts its money. That's a good thing if investors are given time to reflect and learn from their mistakes.

5. Financial globalization is at an all time high. When the value of one institution's assets goes down, the assets of all institutions goes down. That is a good thing, if the other institutions and investors have time to react. Institutions with liquidity can inject capital where its needed to keep others afloat, at least until their fate is determined.

6. Financial institutions being caught with too much debt, are unwilling to lend to one-another. Economies are seizing up, and are on the brink of collapsing. People are panicking. That is a bad thing, or at least, I can't find much good in it, for anyone.

So, I say: The problem is not that home prices are falling, or that banks or Wall Street firms are failing, or that the markets are declining.

The problem is that all these things are happening too rapidly.

And the panic being stirred up by the media is not helping.

Ideas for Government Reform

2008-10-08T01:14:00.000-07:00

I keep hearing people asking the same questions: How did we get into this mess? Why don't our elected representatives have our interests at heart?

The real question we should be asking, I think, is: How many of our current and future problems, including the current financial crisis, could have been avoided with serious, loophole-free campaign finance reform?

This sounds like a completely unrelated issue, until you think about it: Most candidates get most of their money from corporations and wealthy private individuals. So, whose interests would you expect they are elected to serve?

It's been said that candidates are in continuous re-election mode, and are only concerned with how to raise the money for the next election.

Of course, they also have to figure out how to get your vote. But that's pretty easy to accomplish in the current system once a candidate has the money, because nearly every piece of legislation that congress puts forth contains at least one thing that any politican (no matter what party), whether he/she votes for or against it, can use in a stump speech to say that he/she has your best interests at heart. Every bill these days is laden with provisions to lower taxes, to promote jobs or education programs, small businesses, communities, etc.

What would things be like if your representative worked to protect your interests? Would we have allowed them to ignore this crisis if we felt that we really had a voice?

I propose the following for campaign finance reform:

1. Limit contributions at the Federal level to some reasonable dollar amount (e.g. $1,000) per registered voter per eligible candidate or committee (including Political Action Committees) per biennial election cycle. Contributions from corporations should be prohibited.

2. Require that all contributions must be made to the Federal Election Commission, either directly or through a local elections office.

3. Keep all contributions confidential, so that the campaigns/committees do not know from whom the contributions came.

4. Prohibit individuals or organizations from collecting and submitting contributions on another person's behalf.

5. Require any organization claiming tax-exempt status as a political organization to also register as a political action committee (and thus be subject to the contribution rules of #1).

6. Prohibit "electioneering communications" (political ads) from being paid for by any individual or organization other than a campaign or committee. This expands existing legislation which prohibits such communications that are paid for by a corporation or an unincorporated entity that uses corporate or union funds. The current definition of "electioneering communication" is any communication that names a candidate, and is broadcast within 30 days of any election and within 60 days of a general election. We should consider expanding that as well.

7. Encourage individual states to enact similar rules, and to expand the definition of "electioneering communications" to include communications that mention a specific state or local measure.

These have all been suggested before; I don't think I am claiming anything new. I'm just trying to put them together in a consistent, simple, and reasonable way.

Furthermore, we should pass legislation that requires that any new legislation have a single straightforward purpose, have a title that clearly reflects that purpose, and be prohibited from containing any provisions that are in any way incidental to or contrary to that purpose. Each bill should have to be reviewed by an independent committee made up of representatives from the private sector and experts from relevant disciplines.

I welcome any comments.

Sarah Silverman Wants You...

2008-10-07T22:09:00.001-07:00

... to talk to your Grandparents:
http://thegreatschlep.com/site/index.html

The So-Called "Credit Crisis"

2008-09-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

"The $700 billion bailout for Wall Street, is driven by fear not fact. This is too much money in too a short a time going to too few people while too many questions remain unanswered."
-- D. Kucinich, September 28, 2008

I have spent a lot of time over the past 36 hours catching up on the news surrounding the economic crisis, which some are calling the "Credit Crisis".

Is it right to call it a "Crisis"? Or is that word chosen to back the scare-mongering? Did Congress really have to have a solution completed today? Yeah, I get the fact that things will be worse if we do nothing. But the people of this country, including Wall Street, are reasonable people for the most part, if you treat them reasonably. Calm people down, show them you have things under control, tell the investors not to panic... take the time to talk about the issues.

Is it right to say that it is a "Credit" crisis? Credit to most Americans means a credit card, or a home loan, or an auto loan. Yes, the crisis has been precipitated by failed mortgages, but it wouldn't be a crisis if it weren't for the $10-60 TRILLION dollars thats about to be lost due to "hedge funds"... which never should have been legal to make in the first place. That has nothing to do with credit.

The term "Credit Crisis" is used to make it easier to sell the idea to the average American that it has something to do with him/her. Most of us did not take out bad mortgages. Most of us did not accept or sell sub-prime loans. Most of us did not package those loans into mortgage-backed securities. And only a very few of us then sold insurance against those securities, which is what has amplified the problem so greatly.

Why the CRISIS? Why the rush? Why don't we have any common sense?

Everyone knew this was coming. Why hasn't your Congress been working on this piece of legislation for the past year, which would have allowed time for ensuring that it has adequate provisions to protect the interests of the taxpayers? Or, do you really think that this was a surprise?

Anyone considering moving to Sweden?

Dolphin Rings

2008-09-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

I came across this recently, and found it spectacularly amazing. It was fun to take some time away from the worry about the future of the economy and the country:

This page has some explanation

Moby and Wittgenstein

2008-01-21T21:07:00.000-08:00

see myself in the pouring home
see the light come over now
see myself in the pouring rain
i watch hope come over me

yeah, yeah
here we are now, going to the east side
i pick up my friends and we start to ride
ride all night, we ride all day
some may come, Love and some may stay

here we are in the pouring home
i watch the light man fall the comb
i watch a light move across the screen
i watch the light come over me

yeah, yeah
here we are now going to the west side
weapons in hand as we go for a ride
some may come, Love and some may stay
watching out for a sunny day
where there's love and darkness and my sidearm

hey, elan

here we are now going to the north side
i look at my friends as they start to ride
ride at night we ride all day
looking out for a sunny day

here we are now going to the south side
i pick up my friends and we hope we won't die
ride at night, ride through heaven and hell
come back, Love and feel so well.

-- Moby, "South Side"

Just listened to this song again, first time in a long time. Used to listen to it a lot about 9 years ago, now, I guess.

I really enjoy the song, because it is one of just a few that inspires in me a deep feeling. Many songs make me feel of course, but few make me react so strongly as this one. And I think most people have a pretty strong reaction to it too.

For me it isn't the lyrics that inspires such a strong feeling. I have to admit that I don't really understand what the words mean, nor have I tried to. No, for me, it is the music itself.

Anyway, I don't quite know how to explain the feeling I get, but it is very strong. I wish so desperately that I could share it with someone and know that they feel the same way that I do. But it fills me with sadness because I know that, even if someone feels the same way and with the same intensity, I can never know it. I cannot experience their feeling in the same way that I experience my own.

Wittgenstein was right... if we cannot discuss an idea or a sensation using a shared language, then any attempt to do so is pointless. Meaning is derived from the semantics of the language, so if there is no shared language to talk of something, then there is no shared meaning.

Links
Original version with Pokemon video; WTF???
Gwen Stefani version; Love it, but hate the stupid fucking video. dancing in the bathroom? w'the hell?
Nelly Furtado version; Totally slaughters the song.

Stumpy Ron

2007-10-30T18:58:00.000-07:00

Wow... it's been over a year since I wrote the original lyrics for The Ballad of Stumpy Ron, and I was afraid it had been shelved for good. But, Ben Vesco and Jason Volz took it out, dusted it off, and spiffed it up.

Listen:
Download MP3

Background:

It all started when, playing foosball, I broke the legs off one of the "guys" (the plastic players attached to the rods). The guys on that table were pretty fragile, and the table was designed in such a way that it was not difficult to do this (whether accidentally or intentionally) by pinching the ball against the outside wall a little too forcefully.

Ben later named this player "Stumpy Joe" (in case you're not aware, this is a reference to the movie "Spinal Tap").

A few days later, I sent the following limerick in an email to our building services person (who was an avid foosball player, and thus responsible for maintaining the foosball table):

His name is Stumpy Joe
Sorry i broke off his toe
Agile though he is
Computers aint his biz
Please let him sco' once mo'

Then, a few weeks later, I broke another foosball guy, and I instantly (for some reason) dubbed him "Stumpy Ron". And, shortly thereafter I sent another limerick to the foos services person:

His name is Stumpy Ron
No legs to stand upon
Desperately in need of repair
Or at least a nice wheelchair
Won't you help Ron get his freak on?

Not my best effort, okay, but technically speaking, I was rushed.

Anyway, that limerick inspired Ben to write some music, which a few days later he shared with me. He said it was now my turn, that I should write some lyrics. The next day, I took a few hours and did so.

Footnote: Each of the five or six foosball guys we broke after that were named continuing in the tradition of using only three letters. We saved their legs, and for a time, I had a shrine at my desk with all their broken legs sitting on post-it notes, each with the appropriate name on it. I wish I had a photo.

Lyrics:

The Ballad of Stumpy Ron
Copyright 2006-7, Casey Heckman, Ben Vesco, and Jason Volz

Out with his buddies on a Saturday night
Cruisin around, looking for a fight
Livin' it up, like back in High School
Ron was the man, playin' it cool

"Become a man", Dad said between beers
Ron joined up for a couple of years
Patrolling Baghdad to set them all free
Grenade took his legs below the knee

Chorus:
You can't keep a good man down
Running with the boys, he's back in town

He was back in town, and lookin' to score
His "sweetheart" laughed and slammed the door
His mom had to get him this damn wheelchair
A broken man, in need of repair

Out with his friends, lookin' for love
When he saw the one he'd been dreamin' of
"A hundred bucks will get you an hour"
Buddies pitched in for the delicate flower

But, "Sorry, Ron" they had to report
"We're coming up about twenty-five short"
Ron looked up with a tear in his eye
"Ask around guys; won't you give it a try?"

chorus

"Won't you help Ron get his freak on?"

Mornin' waking up, he was feeling so strong
She'd been screamin' his name all night long
Now, ten years later, she's never grumpy
Can't get enough of the man she calls "Stumpy"

chorus

Thoughts:

Wow! It's really cool to see something you had a part in creating come to life. But, my part was relatively small and straightforward. And Ben and Jason did a great job finishing the lyrics since there were a couple of parts that were really rough (especially the chorus).

I am continually amazed by Ben's talent, but even more so by his drive. No one likes to leave things unfinished, but Ben is one of those people that will do everything he can to see things through. I really admire him and am inspired by him.

Ben has notes about what it take to produce the music at
http://www.benvesco.com/songs/

Trapped

2007-08-15T21:08:00.000-07:00

Funny stuff:

I am personally not a fan, but you should watch at least a few minutes of this to get the idea:
R. Kelly's Trapped in a Closet

Then watch all of this:
Wierd Al's Trapped in the Drive Thru

Warning: If you watch this video more than once, the song will get stuck in your head for days and maybe even weeks.

DnD is Cool

2007-08-13T01:56:00.001-07:00

Action without Action

2007-08-13T00:42:00.000-07:00

Two things I learned today:

1) Former White House Chief of Staff, Andrew Card, recently received an honorary degree from the University of Massachusetts. Many in the audience did not care for it.

2) "Wei wu wei" is a concept from Taoism that translates to "action without action". It is action that naturally arises by following the tenet of "wu wei" or non-action. It is often likened to the action of water -- that of being soft and yielding. It means acting only in accordance with natural action, i.e. "the way". It means being aware of your surroundings, and yielding to it.

To act in this manner means not acting so as to satisfy the ego. In fact, to act in this manner, one must give up the perception of oneself (subject) as differentiated from the world (object). In other words, it means becoming a part of one's surroundings, and flowing with them, not standing in opposition.

This is exactly what I am talking about when I speak about playing foosball. The only way to do well is not to try; i.e. to detach one's awareness from oneself, and simply be. It does not mean be in the game, it means be the game, be the ball, be the field, be the players, be the goal. Understand its nature and learn how to be within it, in all ways, at all times (while playing anyway).

According to Taoism this is the most effective way to bring about change in the world. What is most unclear to me is how to follow this principle, and yet make a specific change in the world (e.g. ousting the current President). I recognize that this question is naive. I am still trying to understand how to ask the right question.

There are volumes written on this subject -- I cannot expect to adequately explain it one paragraph, especially when I am just beginning to understand it myself. You should do more research.

Moving my blog again...

2007-08-11T17:48:00.001-07:00

So, I decided today to move my blog again, back here to Blogger. My biggest complaint with Live Journal is that you cannot customize it enough, without paying money.

I am moving all my posts here from my previous blogs. That means comments get lost. Sorry folks.

(Sur)Reality TV

2007-08-11T13:36:00.000-07:00

Many people, if not most, enjoy watching any reality TV show because they like to see what shocking things people will do in order to win, to get the money. I think that is pretty stupid. Why would I care to what lengths some arbitrary person would go to win some money? Different people have different limits, and the producers deliberately pick people whose limit is way out there. So, yeah, guess what! You are going to see arguments, and fighting, and backstabbing -- lie, cheat, steal. Whoop-de-doo.

I think it is interesting to see what people won't do to win the money. I think the most interesting, albeit less dramatic, reality show would be to see what happens when you get people together that have morals, that won't cross the line, that will try as hard as they can to not backstab others in the game. And to watch them struggle with that decision, and to maybe eventually make the right one. And to see if the winner isn't the person with the GREATEST moral character, rather than the worst.

Yes, the show is designed to make money, so the players will do things just for camera time, and producers deliberately set things up so that conflicts will happen in order to get people to watch... That is an unfortunate effect of an industry that is driven by advertising. So, yes, it is most definitely NOT "reality TV". And, yes, the producers do plan surprise "twists" to stir things up, to get reactions out of people, to make the whole thing more watchable for their core audience. And that is why I prefer to call it "Twist-ality TV". It's not reality... it is about creating a story using real people and throwing in twists to see what they will do. Sure, it is somewhat staged, and somewhat scripted in that certain things are planned and designed. But it is not completely staged either... the producers and the audience do not necessarily know how people will react when the twist is revealed. And that is interesting to me. Sometimes, the twists completely back-fire, and that's when I completely enjoy the show... once the staged crap is blown, and nobody is watching the show anymore, that's when the reality actually happens. But, no matter what, it still is not "Reality". Perhaps, "Surreality TV" is a better label for it.

In other words, what I find interesting is how the strategies and tactics that are successful in the game are different depending upon who is playing. You don't find that in most games. I mean yes, playing chess against a grand master is different than playing against a five-year-old child (unless that child is also a grand master), but only in the level of difficulty. If you apply the same strategies and tactics you will usually always beat a player with a ranking that is lower than yours. Thus, skill level is simply based upon what strategies and tactics you know and can successfully employ. The same is true, for the most part, in a game such as Go, which is, in my opinion, the only board game worth playing (assuming your goal is the intellectual exercise), because it is the hardest board game yet devised to master. One could safely say that the game is so complex that no human, and certainly no computer, has ever mastered it. Here, by "master" I mean, having the ability to successfully employ strategies and tactics that guarantee a win.

But, if "Reality TV" were really about reality, then there would be no set of strategies and tactics that could always guarantee a win, and therefore it would be impossible to master. As it is, it is impossible to master because of the artificial "twists" and shake-ups introduced by the producers. But that is another issue.

What I would and do find interesting is seeing what strategies and tactics work for different groups of people, and different individuals, and whether one could classify those strategies and tactics for different situations, depending upon who is playing. And thereby, devise one or more heuristics that can guide you to a win by knowing/learning about the people you are playing the game with.

In that sense, while the game cannot be "mastered" (in the way that I have defined that term), there can be better players and worse players, and who is better or worse, depends upon the character make-up of the other players, not simply their skill level.

Jeff Probst, host of Survivor, has said that the game play seen on Survivor can all be explained by game theory, specifically the "Prisoner's Dilemma", formalized by Tucker. "It's all in there," I believe he said at one point. But, I think that far oversimplifies the situation. Perhaps game theory has much to contribute on this subject. But, I doubt that one can boil it down to a relatively simple scenario such as the "Prisoner's Dilemma". Survivor and BB are much more complex games than that -- especially when you add in the twists and everything else that the producers, broadcasters, and advertisers will do to stir up the game.

I also think it is interesting to watch these games to see what can be learned about group dynamics (and to see if one can find a logical explanation for them), and to what degree those principles are applicable to reality (vs. the game), and to what degree those dynamics stem from our nature as human beings. For example: If there is anything we all can easily learn from watching "Reality TV" games (at least, those in which players are ejected from the game), it is this: As soon as an alliance gains enough power in the overall group that they feel safe, that alliance will begin to fracture, thus jeopardizing their safety. This always happens before they have eliminated all members from the group outside the alliance, despite having sworn to each other that they will do so. It doesn't always (or even usually) break apart neatly into discrete groups -- usually there is some chaos as the members decide which group of people will be most beneficial to them. But typically two or more alliances will emerge from that chaos, and the few remaining members from outside the alliance will usually be included in one or more of those groups. And this seems to happen no matter what size the overall group is. And it seems to happen with greater frequency as the group size diminishes. So that by the time the competition is down to five or four players, the group is usually in a near constant state of flux.

I think the following questions are interesting:
1. While we can easily see this pattern occurring in nearly any such "Reality TV" game show, does it apply to real social interaction where there is competition for one or more limited resources?
2. If so, does it stem from something basic in our human nature, to always be worried about being "left behind" in our quest for limited resources needed for survival?
3. What can be learned from this and applied to our knowledge in important social sciences such as Politics and PPPM?

More about my Fascination with Big Brother

2007-08-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

Background
Fourteen people are locked in a house together with no outside contact, and cameras and microphones watching them all the time. After initial time for introductions, play begins on Thursday with a Head-of-Household (HoH) competition, in which the winner is given a private room (with bathroom) and special "priveleges" for the week: On Friday, the HoH must nominate two other players for eviction. On Monday (I think) a competition is held for the "Power of Veto" (PoV), in which the winner can, if they choose, remove themselves or another player from the nominations. This choice is made at the PoV ceremony on Tuesday (I think). If a player is removed, the HoH must immediately choose another player with which to replace them. Then, on Thursday, all players, except the two nominees and the HoH, must vote on who to evict (determined by a simple majority, where ties are broken by a vote from the HoH). Immediately after the eviction another HoH competition is held, in which the outgoing HoH is not allowed to compete. Additionally, on Sunday all players compete in a Food competition that will determine what foods they and/or the entire house will eat for the week. Depending upon the outcome of the competition, some players may be eating "Slop" for the entire week, which appears to be a bland, vitamin-enriched mixture of mostly mostly mixed grains, and by all accounts is horrible.

There are three episodes aired each week, on Thursday (live), Tuesday, and Sunday, in which the audience is caught up on what has happened in the two or three days since the last episode. If you miss an episode, you can watch it on the CBS web site. Additionally, for three hours a night, the happenings in the house are broadcast live on Showtime on a show called "Big Brother at Night". And for those willing to spend the money (and be as bored as the people in the house), all the happenings in the house are broadcast on the Internet from the CBS site, in a subscriber service called the "24/7 Live Feeds". A number of generous fans have recorded pieces of the live feeds and made them available on YouTube.

I have watched every season except one (I don't remember which, or why). I do watch all the episodes, sometimes twice. I don't have Showtime, and I don't have the live feeds.

But, only because I am interested in how things are shaking out, I have been spending some hours this week watching the videos on YouTube. I have to stop though because, at some point it stops being interesting on an intellectual level, and starts becoming brain candy.

Why Do I Watch?
I think that most people watch for the spectacle... to see what people are willing to do to win the money. The most avid fans love the conniving, two-faced, backstabbing that goes on. I don't.

I watch because I think the concept is interesting: What do people do when locked in a house with cameras on them all time, and they are put under psychological strain. I am interested in how people play the game, and to what degree their game play is altered by the character of the other players in the game. Yes, I know that it isn't "real" -- "Reality TV" is a complete misnomer. More about "Reality TV" in general in another post...

I watch because the game is not scripted, not predictable. I can analyze this game to no end, and yet, I am still surprised sometimes by the players' actions. The producers can try whatever they want as far as twists and what not, and without a doubt, it does affect the game. But I don't think they can predict what will happen when they stir the pot by this or that action... all they know is that the pot will be stirred and something (hopefully worth watching) will happen.

I am also fascinated by the fact that, to some degree, the 24/7 live feeds do not lie, and cannot be heavily edited, like the TV show. The live feeds are as real as it gets for this show. And let me tell you, about 90% of it is BOOORRRRIIINGGG! Just like reality!

I need to start reading more about game theory. I would like to explore the degree to which it is or is not applicable to BB, due to the fact that the game is heavily steered by the producers in order to get and keep viewers.

"No, you're a fucking stupid bitch!"
I do have to say though, I am pretty sure that every player that remains in the house for more than a few weeks comes out of it scarred for life. Yes, you have to believe that anyone who agrees to go into that kind of situation is already pretty messed up in the head. But, I also sure that every one of them comes out of it more messed up by the experience.

Imagine it: Being locked in a strange house with no outside contact for two and a half months. Then, add the fact that cameras and microphones are watching and listening to you all the time, and there is a huge audience of mostly wierdos and freaks (myself included) watching and listening to whatever is picked up by the cameras and microphones, and judging your every move. Then add to it that the other players are doing crazy shit just to get further in the game, and/or get camera time. They don't care about you genuinely, they are only interested in how you can serve their purpose of getting to the end in the game.

Working and BB8

2007-08-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

So, I have been working pretty hard the past few months... Averaging about 53 hours per week. I am realizing the past week or so, I have been working harder than I need to. I mean, we get paid hourly, so the more I work, the more money I get, the faster I pay off my debts, which has been awesome. Extra money every month is great, but not worth not having sanity in my life.

And, when I am not working for work, I am working on something else, e.g. the TorqueX starter kit for Needful Games, or other projects. And when I am not doing that I am sleeping, eating, cleaning, or watching TV or movies. And, occasionally I surf the Web, or go out for drinks with friends. This schedule leaves me exhausted pretty much all the time.

And I have carpal tunnel and tendon and nerve issues in my hands and arms to show for it!

So, this weekend, I decided, I won't be working on work. I plan to make some progress on the starter kit, but I won't be working all weekend... I need to get out of the house and relax a little bit. I don't have anything specific planned though, so, we will see where that goes.

That was the whine... the cheese is coming in a bit.

Work is going great!!! We are doing so well. We have more than enough work to keep us busy, and getting more all the time it seems. We plan on hiring soon, but we are all concerned about growing too fast and having things get out of control. So, we are almost at the point where we have to turn down projects that we could get if they were offered. And that feels fantastic.

I am really happy with the team of people that we have now. Everyone is stellar. We all click pretty well, and with Nate in charge, things get done very efficiently, and our clients know it, and continue to assign tasks to us. We have raised the bar to the point that they trust us, and their trust in other vendors is shaken, which is really unfortunate when you take a step back and look at the bigger picture. It would be really nice if there were other teams that could work more effectively and efficiently, because then the client and their customers would be much happier, and that would result in more work. But there are many things that are beyond our control, and I have learned over the past year that it serves no purpose to fret about it. We just keep doing our best, and impressing the hell out of everybody we can, take a positive, cooperative attitude toward everything and success follows naturally. And if it doesn't, well, then we will just move on to the next project... no big deal. I will go into this more in a future post...

Okay, now the cheese....

So, I am hooked on Big Brother 8. I don't watch much TV, maybe a few hours a week, and a movie or two. But, I have always liked BB. I am fascinated with the concept of locking a group of people in a house, with no outside contact (no information coming in, anyway), and having cameras on them ALL the time. More about the show in general in a separate post...

And this week has been especially interesting. Most all the viewers, from what I can tell from blogs and forums on the Internets, were getting pretty bored with this season toward the end of week 4. One large group of seven in the house, self-dubbed "the Late Night Crew" or "LNC", was taking over, and picking off the other people one-by-one. But, I think, the audience (and perhaps CBS and the producers if you believe the conspiracy), forgot that this kind of behavior does not usually last very long. More on that in another post...

In any case, on Thursday, Aug 2, a plane flew over the house trailing a banner that read "We love Nick. Eric and Amber are liars. LNC is the Nerd Herd". Now, if you haven't been watching this season, none of that makes any sense. And if you did not watch season 6, you don't know who the Nerd Herd are. And, I won't try to explain all that here. You should do more research on this here Web thingy if you want to know more.

The point is that this sent the two most powerful players of the LNC into a tizzy. And, it took a week to play out, but the alliance is now fractured. The remaining five of the seven (Eric, Dustin, Amber, Jameka, and Jessica, which have been nicknamed by some as the LNC5) are now fairly strongly allied against the two formerly strongest members (Dick and Danielle). And, those two are now loosely allied with the remaining two house members (Jen and Zach), who have almost no power in the house.

Prior to this shake-up, Dick (one of the strongest two) and Jen (now one of the weakest members in the house) were at each others throats. And much of the TV audience was polarized into one of their two camps, which I will call the "Dick Lovers" and the "Jenuine Jensa Members". And during the shake-up, Dick and Jen put their differences aside, apologized to each other, and allied together. I am certain that there are a lot of viewers that are very disappointed by that.

Wait! Did you say a plane trailing a banner?
Yes, a plane. With a banner.
But... but... How can that possibly happen?!?!
Indeed.

It turns out that planes flying over the house with banners are not that rare. It happens several times every season. It is usually down-played on the TV broadcast however. And quite often, before the plane even flies over, the house members are required to go inside the house, and the doors and windows are closed, the house having been put into a state called "lock-down". However, this particular incident occurred during a competition for Head-of-Household (HoH), which are always held outside and televised live (on the East coast). The competition, therefore, could not be interrupted.

So, there are a bunch of people on the Internet saying that the plane/banner incident is a big conspiracy by either CBS or the producers of the show (a company called Endemol), who realized their audience was getting bored and hired the plane just to stir things up. I don't subscribe to these theories, but whatever. It stirred things up. If that was the mission of whoever hired the plane, then mission accomplished. But, if so, it is silly because:
1. Things always get stirred up anyway, without outside influence (as described above).
2. It put Eric ("America's Player") in serious jeopardy, which is one of the big twists this season, so I doubt it was a conspiracy.
3. Dick and Jen are now no longer at each other's throats, which is bad for the producers, because that battle was one that a lot of people were into.

Dick is now pitted against each of the former LNC members, and going crazy, making personal attacks on each of them (except Jessica, oddly enough).

All of this does not change the fact that the people this season are pretty one-dimensional, which I would argue is a natural product of the evolution of reality TV: Audience members seem to pick one or two players that they love, and one or two that they hate, and while the game is going on, there is a battle going on in Cyberspace between these various groups as well.

Eventually I will get over my fascination with the show. But, I doubt it will happen anytime soon. I am already getting excited for the next All-Stars show.

The So-Called Itsy Bitsy Spider

2007-05-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

Found a spider in the shower this morning... got me to thinking... We all remember the song we were taught as children:

"Itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout
Down came the rain and washed the spider out
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain
And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again"

I had an interesting interpretation of this song when I first learned it as a child. Of course, I realize only now that it was interesting and unique. At the time, being so young (about five, I think) it was just my interpretation, and not really knowing anyone else's mind they way we learn to do as we grow, I had no idea that it was different from everyone else's.

First of all, I should preface this by saying that I am afraid of spiders. I admit it, okay? Stop giggling. Stop. I always have been; although I can control my fear, I just don't like to go near the things. I saw one on my wall last night (maybe it was the same one I met in the shower this morning), and I just sat and watched it. I can't bring myself to get a tissue and go kill it. I don't like creepy crawly things in general, but spiders are especially bad for me.

So, when I first learned the song, I think I must have had a spider in the shower with me that morning, or the day before, or at some point in what was the recent past, because when I envision the spider going up the water spout, he is crawling up a pipe to a shower head. Why a shower head? I don't know... that's just the connection I made. The worst part is, I am IN the shower with the spider. And he is crawling is way up, presumably to get a better point from which to attack me.

So, immediately upon hearing the first verse for the first time, I am thinking, why are we singing a song about this devious, so-called "itsy bitsy" spider that seeks nothing but a better purchase from which to launch its attack? The anxiety builds... and most definitely not in a good way.

But! Ha ha! Down came the rain! The rain of course was the water from the shower head. And the spider was washed completely out! Oh, thank you glorious rain for saving our delicate protagonist. The spider has been vanquished, and good triumphs over evil once again. Jubilation was felt throughout the land, and there was much rejoicing.

But, then! What's this?! Out came the sun! No! That will dry up all the rain! Sure enough, it does. And the spider stands up and shakes himself off, or whatever it is that spiders do. And he's back to terrorize and torture us once again. No! NO!!! Why?! Why is this happening to our poor forsaken protagonist?

And that determined spider, ever-bent on destruction and the biting of me, begins his evil torment, his long journey back up the spout, to find the place from which to sit... and watch... and wait... for just the right moment... licking his chops the whole time.

And THAT was what the song meant to me, when I first heard it anyway. Eventually I learned to appreciate it, the way that others did. But not for a long time; I was too shy to ask anyone why we sing a song about an evil, immortal spider.

And there are those who have wondered why the spider is climbing up the spout in the first place. Yes, we admire your determination, little spider, but what's up there that you could possibly want? But, I never asked that question. Because, I knew what he wanted all along...

...My BLOOD! Dunh dunh daaaah!!!

Copyright 2007, SuckItNSee. All rights reserved, cause I'm gonna turn this into a made-for-TV-movie and sell it to the SciFi channel.

First week down

2007-05-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

Things are going great! First week of employment was fantastic! Somehow everything seems a lot simpler and easier than when we were at Lunar... I think that is for a number of reasons, not least of which is that we have less on our plate to worry about, so we can actually take time to brainstorm, investigate, and prototype solutions and be collaborative. I got three awesome specs/proposals done last week, and Brandon proved his weight in gold, yet again, nearly completing a new complex, scary feature before I even had the proposal done, let alone the spec. I also threw together a new design for the Web site, without being asked to do so... we shall see what the others think of it.

Other than that, not much new to report. I had to have the car worked on the week before last, which cost a couple of paychecks. But now it is in fine working order (except for the leak in the exhaust manifold) and should be good to go for a few more years, with regular maintenance of course.

[that other company] has lost so many people... but I think they are now getting down to a size that is reasonable, given their revenue stream. Many observers say they may go under at any moment. But, the people that are left seem to be starting to get a little resentful of perspectives such as that. I just noticed that in my address book, of the people I communicate with semi-regularly, the ratio of ex-employees to current employees is about 3 to 1. Good times!

A friend passed along this site, the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. Check out the animation shorts at the bottom of the page.

Also, here's an instrumental live performance of Code Monkey by Jonathan Coulton.

We have work

2007-04-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

I found out last Friday that we will be getting a contract, which means paying work! Woohoo! It's likely not going to be anything new and exciting (same old stuff we were working on before), may not start for a week or two, may only keep us occupied for a couple of months, and does not give us enough to grow on. But, it is a fantastic start because it gets our foot in the door with this client which, knowing this client as we do, will VERY likely lead to more bigger contracts (on other projects) in the future! I am excited!

They also said that they are going to hire us as employees whether or not there is paying work, so I will have money coming in no matter what, which is a huge relief. I was starting to think about job hunting in Portland or elsewhere, since there are not many other opportunities here.

JBoss SUX

2007-04-20T09:04:00.000-07:00

So we have spent the past few weeks trying to get a simple project going, to learn some technologies that we haven't had time to look at closely before. Mainly we want to learn about JBoss Seam, Hibernate, EJB3, and Adobe Flex. We now have a very simple app that kinda works, but we are getting extremely frustrated with the JBoss server and especially JBoss Web Services. Currently the JBoss WS is very immature, which I find very surprising. We have a simple Web Service that deploys and runs fine, but any time you try to redeploy the app (without having made any changes to the Web Service) the Web Service stops working. You have to shutdown the server, do a complete undeploy and redeploy, and then restart the server. wtf?!?!?!?! After many hours (at least 15+ for each of the three of us) of head-to-wall interaction, we discover that there is a bug, already known and in the JBossWS Jira system. Jesus.

As a way of pursuing an alternative platform, last night I tried out NetBeans 5.5 with Sun App Server 9. It is quite simply awesome. It does a lot of the hard work for you. The only major drawback I can see is that you learn how to build an app using NetBeans, which means if you were given another tool, you would be SOL. But, it has a lot of nice features and wizards and whatnot. However, I did not get deep enough into it to discover all the possible problems we might encounter, but enough that I know that most of the initial problems we have had with JBoss will likely be resolved. I guess we shall see.

There is additional fuel to be added to the fire... yesterday I had a talk with a friend who pointed out that JBoss was bought recently by RedHat, who are now pushing their App Stack as a complete and total solution. This is an obvious attempt to rival the Microsoft .NET platform which obviously runs on Windows. There are a number of Open Source advocates who have been criticizing this approach as proprietary lock-in to a platform based upon Open Source tools and technologies, which is antithetical to the principles of Openness. I don't know if I buy that completely, but there has to be a better way than to follow Microsoft and to try to beat them at their own game. Whatever the solution is, it should include application development services; we should be making services the commodity. People and their knowledge are valuable, software is cheap, hardware is cheap.

You're a bunch of big city robots

2007-04-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

So, a friend just forwarded this link to me http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html?hpid=topnews

It is an interesting article, but there is one thing I found lacking: I think that the main reason that people payed no attention to the musician is that, in a large city, people are for the most part conditioned to not draw attention to themselves... so, even if they see the musician, hear the music, and like what they hear, they are not very likely to stop and listen unless there are other people who have stopped and are listening.

This would be especially true in the environment of a busy mass-transit station. Anyone who has been to New York City can confirm that there is a certain pressure put on people to get out of the way, particularly in a busy crowded area. If he had been playing in a park, even a busy park, many more people would have stopped to listen. Part of that is the context, as mentioned in the article -- people in a park are generally going to be in a more relaxed and open state of mind. And so more people would stop to listen. My point is, there would then be a lot more people, even those rushing through a busy schedule, who would stop to listen because they are interested AND because there are others doing it, so it is acceptable behavior.

I guess what I am saying is that when you live in a big city you are CONDITIONED into becoming a social robot, more or less. One reason why I like not living in a big city.

My Oyster Egg Day Adventuring

2007-04-08T17:12:00.000-07:00

Discovered this morning at about 10am that it is Oyster Egg Day! I should've known given that it is also non-denominational egg-hunting day in the real world... Luckily, yesterday was Feast of Boris, so I had some decent food to give me a bunch of extra adventures -- on the other hand, since I spent so many adventures yesterday hunting for good food, I had very little left over for egg hunting (st00pid). But, after eating and drinking, I had close to 200 adventures to spend, which is probably about right since it gets harder and harder to find eggs the more you hunt.

I decided to go after meat, which means black plastic, so after checking the wiki (and waiting for it to be updated), I went hunting in the Haunted Gallery with all my Item Drop enhancements plus some extra enhancements. I spent most of my adventures here, but some in other places to see if the difficulty of acquiring eggs was cumulative across the entire game, or only for each location. Here's what I acquired from the Haunted Gallery:

Item	Qty	Meat per item	Meat
antique greaves	14	2,200 (mall)	30,800
antique helmet	14	2,100 (mall)	29,400
antique spear	13	2,150 (mall)	27,950
antique shield	16	2,200 (mall)	35,200
black plastic OE	26	350 (avg)	9,100
Total			132,450

All in all, not a bad day! Seems like farming in the Gallery is a pretty decent way to spend adventures on any day, given that only about 7% of my profits were from BPOEs.

Here's my enhancements: Miner's helmet, tiny plastic ancient yuletide troll, Baron VonRatsworth's monocle, lucky rabbits foot, baby gravy fairy with lead necklace (23lbs total), Fat Leon's Phat Loot Lyric (buff-bot), Peeled Eyeballs, Heavy Petting. The Bubble-Bauble Bow would have improved things too, but it is 2 handed which prevents one from carrying the Easter basket.

HOWEVER: This was probably not a wise use of adventures, since, had I been wielding the bow, I would have obtained more of the more valuable items (probably more than 4, which would be worth about the same amount of meat as the BPOEs acquired by carrying the Easter basket). Therefore, hunting BPOEs is not very wise. In fact, given these earnings, I would guess that probably hunting OEs in general is not very wise once you have enough equipment/enhancements to get your Item Drop rate up high enough... fascinating.

Now thats a lot of knives

2007-03-10T11:15:00.000-08:00

This is totally random, but I just heard that Victorinox, the company that makes Swiss Army knives, manufactures 100,000 knives per day, or over 22 million per year. Holy crap!

Contracting

2007-03-09T23:45:00.000-08:00

I talked with folks a number of times this week. Sounds like things are slowly getting off the ground but looking promising. Brandon and I may work on a side project together just to learn some cool stuff. I am really hoping this will take off. Right now, trying to be not too optimistic, I give it a 50/50 chance, which is pretty good considering that if it does get off the ground, I think that they have taken all the right steps to be successful.

I am trying to decide whether to pursue contracting with a former client. The only opportunity I have right now is not very attractive, doing about half of what I was doing before I quit. And I would probably have to travel to India to help train the people to whom our jobs were sent. Not too inclined to do that. Everybody says that it does not matter, it has no effect because the jobs are going there anyway regardless of my actions. But for me, it does matter. I don't necessarily have any problem with the jobs going to a different company, if that is a logical thing to do... the problem is that it was not logical, for several reasons:
1) there was no evaluation of whether or not they were qualified to do the work (and they clearly were not) -- the only consideration it seems is whether or not they were cheaper,
2) the transition happened so quickly that there were a lot of things that fell through the cracks,
3) the work was taken away from us so quickly and we had no other contracts to replace it with, which is just plain disrespectful, given the relationship that we had built up with this client over the years.

And, there are far too many companies doing this for the promise of quick, short-term profits, without looking at the long-term perspective of what it will do to the product/service they provide. It's pretty disgusting actually.

Additionally, I get the feeling that the people involved are asking this of me, not only because I am the right person for the job, but now requiring it of me because they want people that they can control, that they can "push around" so to speak. And that just is not me. I am fairly strongly inclined to pass up the opportunity, in the belief that there is something else better out there. It is clear that the people involved do not respect me as a person, they only respect me because of what I can bring them. And, I don't want to work in an environment where I am not respected. Yeah, the money is good, and maybe I will have a hard time finding that elsewhere, but I don't think I will have a hard time finding something better in terms of a working relationship with my superiors.

The only reason I would do it is because I need the money. But, looking at things in a positive way, I just don't need the money THAT badly. I would rather put my energy into doing something positive and helping these folks get off the ground. So, that is what I will do.

recovery

2007-03-03T16:53:00.000-08:00

yeah, so i've been not feeling too well the past few days... funny how that tends to suck all motivation to do anything, including work and even thinking. anyway, i am finally feeling close to back to normal... thank god i didnt go out last night with fft.

dont really have much to say at the moment... feeling more pressure to get some actual work done, so i will probably focus on that the rest of this weekend.

weather today was awesome, which kind of fried my brain...

emberex finally has office space. think i will go down there next week and put in some hours just to see what is up.

brandon is back soon, so i will probably catch up with him next week. that will be fun.

not much else at the moment...

youtube-aholic

2007-02-28T18:53:00.000-08:00

so lately i have become addicted to youtube... i spend probably an hour a day, if you add it up, just browsing for new stuff to watch... a lot of it is junk, or whatever, significant to somebody, just not me... but a lot of it is funny and some of it pathetic or interesting or whatever, but worth exploring anyway.

one of the things i noticed though is the comments. there are so many comments that are just pointless, e.g. "Jessica Alba is soooo hot." Who are these people that feel the world will be made a better place because they have voiced their competely uninspired opinions in a public forum... yeah, i know, blogging is kinda the same thing, but also kinda not. I mean if anyone is reading this it is because they thought I might have something worthwhile or interesting, or otherwise of value, to say... and yeah, you have to have some kind of healthy ego to decide to write a public blog in the first place, right? But, what kind of ego do you have to have to write inane stupid comments on you tube? Maybe it isn't ego, maybe it is ignorance, or adolescence, or whatever...

But I digress.

There is this tendency for there to be more inane stupid comments on those videos that are more mainstream and popular. Generally speaking, the more people that watch it, the more likely it is that it will be have those kinds of comments. Not surprising, really. But it does mean that, if you are looking for something interesting to watch, you can actually tell how worthwhile it is to watch a video based upon the kinds of comments found on it. That is not to say that videos of Jessica Alba are not worth watching... just that youre not likely to find much of anything in such a video that you haven't seen before.

Some of the comments are also sometimes humorous in the way that some people can convey their opinions so clearly with just a few short words... for example, I was watching one recently of a video that was mildly interesting, about people who take everyday electronic devices, take them apart, and through some fairly simple modifications, and by connecting the circuitry to an amplifier and speaker, can produce some somewhat interesting sounds, rhythms, and patterns. Not groundbreaking by any means, but mildly interesting. One person commented, "Basically, some nerds break some keyboards, and then record said broken noise. but I'm sure it'd be a good way to spend an afternoon/lifetime." I laughed pretty heartily at that one. Another person wrote, "this will never be a trend. i hate when people try to start new things." To which, someone later replied, "if nobody ever started anything new then there would be nothing to call old school" Whoa. Deep man, deep.

Anyway, youtube-aholic. Actually, more correctly, the term should be a youtube-ic, since someone addicted to alcohol is an alcohol-ic. But, youtube-ic sounds dumb.

screw you guys, im goin home

2007-02-28T18:43:00.000-08:00

yeah, so, i quit... my last day was 12 days ago. the last couple of weeks have been awesome in that I am removing the pressure and expectations on myself to get anything done, for the moment anyway. There has been a lot of sleeping and watching movies, and some tv. I haven't really been doing much and it has been pretty awesome...

I don't know what I am going to do for work. I am honestly not thinking/worrying about it. I mean, I think about it a little, but not making any plans or anything. There are some possibilities out there, or maybe I will go do something different, I don't know yet. I decided before I quit that I just needed to get out of there before deciding anything... not ready to make that decision while I was so stressed out and felt like things were going down the toilet.

one of the things i decided i was gonna do is start writing more... i want to try to write something everday. i havent decided whether to do it in the morning or the evening, but i know that if i dont make a habit of it then i may not stick with it.

i have been reading a lot about buddhism as i am interested in meditation and introspection... i am not looking for a religion per se, but something along the lines of wisdom that i can apply to my life to become a happier person. so i will probably be writing a bunch about that.

anyway...

schfifty-five

2006-09-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

five plus five is schfifty-five

beyir ish gewd

mofo

please do the needful

2006-09-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

so, at work, we have more and more development work being sent over to india... typical offshoring stuff. its been really challenging to deal with cause they are really inexperienced developers, not to mention inexperienced with our product. and we have to review all their work...

anyhow, after doing this for several months now, we got a reply email the other day after we asked them a question... at the bottom they added:

Please do the needful.

each of us kind of chuckled when we first read it. then yesterday we got to talking about it, along with some of the other things we have seen in emails from them. some of us were confused about what it could mean... then we decided to google it, to see if anyone else had heard this phrase before. here are a couple of hits:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Please_do_the_needful
http://www.cafepress.com/theneedful

omg, apparently we are not the first to have heard this expression. now we are debating as to whether it would insulting if we were to use the expression in a reply message to them. of course, professionally, it would be safest not to... ;)

aurora ascends!

2006-09-15T23:54:00.000-07:00

apiarist angel along an arduous adventure
align... await... advance... attack!
au revoir, amie!
adios, amore!
(awaiting aurora's appearance again)

zwei vier zwei

2006-08-31T08:46:00.000-07:00

Einatmen, ausatmen
Einatmen, ausatmen
Im rhythmus bleiben

-- Front 242, "Im Rhythmus Bleiben"

Translation:

Inhale, exhale
Inhale, exhale
In the rhythm remain

So, I think that I want to start selling making and selling designs. I have a bunch of ideas for tshirts and bumper stickers and such. I just need to start making them. It seems like a pretty easy way to make some additional cash. Sure, at first it will be small... but effectively you put in a few hours coming up with a design, and then you publish and hopefully it continues to sell, while you go on to create more. I have a connection to people in the business, people who go to conventions to sell their wares... so it seems possible. Not only that but it could be a good outlet for all my creativity... Im going to start working on some this weekend and see if I can get them setup through cafepress. I would love to start a design company that is actually profitable.

Kim Stanley Robinson

2006-08-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

I am reading Forty Signs of Rain, another book by Kim Stanley Robinson, one of my favorite authors. I came across this passage the other day that I thought was amazingly creative:

Leo Mulhouse took the coast highway to work every morning. He liked seeing the ocean, and feeling the slight roller-coaster effect of dropping down to cross the lagoons, then motoring backup up little rises to Cardiff, Solano Beach, and Del Mar. These towns looked best at this hour, deserted and as if washed for the new day. Hiss of tires on wet road, wet squeak of windshield wipers, distant boom of the waves breaking--it all combined to make a kind of aquatic experience, the drive like surfing, up and own the same bowls every time, riding the perpetual wave of land about to break into the sea.

Maybe this is obvious, but notice how he takes the traditional, if not cliche, image of the sea, the waves breaking on the shore, and completely turns it around, into, the land breaking into the ocean? The more writing I do, the more I recognize how coming up with ideas and imagery like this is challenging. And he does this all the time. It reminds me of Gary and his writing.

Then, in the very next paragraph:

Up the big hill onto Torey Pines, past the golf course, quick right into Torrey Pines Generique. Down into its parking garage, descending into the belly of work. Into the biotech beast.

Here, he takes the again cliche phrase, "belly of the beast", and breaks in half, and pours into each half a cocktail mixture made from all the feelings we have surrounding the dread of going to work, to a job you maybe like but detest nonetheless due to the dehumanizing aspect of work-as-other, work-as-separate-from-oneself that Marx speaks of. Ingenious.

another day, another dollar

2006-08-30T06:30:00.000-07:00

Suppose I accidentally got my shit together
Would I get a medal?
Or a pat on the back and a little feather
I could stick in my cap or pin to my shirt
Go out in the yard and poke it in the dirt

Or leave it in the woods where it couldn't be found
If it fell over, would it make a sound?
And if it did, would it be the sound that you like?
Or should I do it over, until I get it right?

You say everything I know is wrong
So do me a favor, and play along
For a minute, as the rusty gears turn
Don't be alarmed if you smell something burning

Upstairs is a little BB
Rolling around in a box car, see
Us together
Maybe it wouldn't be hard to explain
If I only had a brain

Somewhere, on a higher mental plane
I might learn to come in from the rain
If I had a clue
Would I still be here with you?
Gee whiz, if I only had a brain

-- MC 900 Foot Jesus, "If I Only Had a Brain"

*sigh* i fucked up at work the other day. i sent a nasty email that i shouldnt have. even if that is how i was feeling, and even if the stress of the job was getting to me... on monday i come in and theres an email waiting for me from my boss with the subject "wtf?". doh! i already felt really bad about it, but then i felt worse. i wrote a big apology email and sent it to him... i think it helped but there is no way to really repair the damage completely. i feel like i just dont know if i am ready for this... its taking me a long time to learn how to be a good manager. i feel really fortunate that i have such a cool boss, that i am being given a long leash, and time to figure it out. if i were anywhere else, they probably would not have stood for much of my crap.

last week i got my new laptop. woohoo! its freekin awesome, but man... 17 inch screen is huge. and the default screen resolution is 1920x1200, which means text is really small. but, go to any smaller resolution and things are kinda blurry... im starting to get used to it, but also kinda hoping i dont get too used to it, because then the rest of the world is going to feel tiny. but anyway, im using it for both work and personal stuff, and loveit, loveit, loveit. it is blazing fast... compute-intensive stuff that takes about 5 minutes on my work machine takes about 1/3rd the time on this thing. awesome. this is the first time since 1995 that i was convinced that the power of the cpu actually matters more than the amount of memory you have... but still, for most of the stuff i do, im not using 98% of its power, so memory is still more important... anyway, its freekin awesome. its like moving into a newly built house that it is about 50 times bigger and has all the fancy appliances and hardwood floors and fireplace, a nice-sized backyard, with a pool table AND a foosball table in the basement.

went up to portland last weekend for my moms bday. that was fun. but i had wanted to take the train, to relax and maybe get some work done. but due to a derailment or something, i ended up on a bus both ways. that sucked cause youre more traveling than relaxing... plus some of the amtrak employees are not so nice... its kinda interesting that amtrak has not really shifted to a more service-oriented attitude. sure not having much by way of competition will do that to you, but still...

anyway, i spent a bunch of time thinking about my life and how lucky i am to have the friends that i do. not many, but good smart people all around. dont know how to describe what i was feeling, but it inspired me to better myself -- a project i have not yet started on, but will be soon. need to get a decent pair of running/walking shoes, and a new computer backpack, then start walking to work. eventually, i would like to be running every day, not training for the olympics or marathon or anything, just trying to feel good about myself and what i am doing. i think maybe this apartment is not so healthy in that respect. would like to start buying a house.

yeah, so nothing real profound here... sorry to disappoint.

fear (and a little love)

2006-08-22T06:42:00.000-07:00

so, i get up this morning and its sorta cloudy and cold outside, and i start to realize we've had so many nice days this summer, ive forgotten what weather is like. and somehow the dreariness of the morning is a little depressing even though i tell myself it shouldnt be. we need a change. some rain would be good to cleanse the air, and the ground, and the soul. im from here, so im supposed to be used to the rain. but, this summer has been nice, to get a break from the rain, to get out a little. yeah, yeah, i should do more. i should go hiking or whatever. yeah, stfu.

tis gettin on toward the end of summer... maybe its not so much depression as it is a realization that the weather is changing. and maybe that brings about in the human psyche an instinctive fear and resultant anxiety. maybe its part of the animal in me, in us all, telling me to start harvesting and hunting and hoarding for the coming winter. i suddenly wonder if people buy more canned goods in the fall, not because there are fewer fresh items available, but because of this instinctive need to stock up, to prepare... i know we don't feel it that strongly, that it would be likely to change our behavior patterns signficantly, right? but, maybe. i doubt we will ever know.

we all want to think that we are not animals anymore, that we are so distanced from our instinctive selves, that we are the pilots of our actions, our choices, our future. we fear the notion that there is something besides our conscious minds dictating our behavior because it would mean that we are not in control, and we fear not being in control, being not in control, being in not control, being in control not.

has anyone ever noticed that there are more relationships and marriages that breakup in the spring and summer than in the fall and winter? is that really true, or does it just seem that way? if it is true, has anyone ever wondered why? do you think that has anything to do with conscious thought? the easy conclusion to draw is that it is instinctive. spring and summer are times of change. when we can be released of our fears. that is the time when the nomads in us de-camp, and move to more fertile ground.

so, think of how you feel in warm and fertile late spring versus the cold, deadness of winter. and think of your last failed relationship, and what brought you together, and what tore you apart. and tell me that the weather had nothing to do with it. and then tell me that your instincts do not govern your behavior. that you are the pilot. and i will believe. i want to believe. why? fear, again fear. always, fear.

...and after an hour of thoughtmusicdance, the muse finally joins me in the bed of my mind...

come together
come apart
we love
we fear
you and me
human, we
aye, are we not ruled by our fear?
why are we not ruled by our love?

suck on that for a while...

booty move

2006-08-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

if this don't make your booty move
your booty must be dead

-- Fatboy Slim, "Acid 8000"

last night for FFT we went to a few places, and i drank too much... not way too much, but still, too much. i dunno why. people were bailing out left and right for various reasons: some had to go back to work, some had relationship problems, some were tired, some had other people coming into town, etc. i guess i drank cause i didnt want the party to stop, but naturally my drunken state did not prevent reality (and tiredness) from settling in eventually.

on the way back to the office chris and i stopped at keesey square and for a while watched the samba band that mike white plays in... fire dancers and all... that was really awesome. i got totally into it, a spiritual experience. only a couple of people were dancing, but it was late by that time, maybe there were more earlier. i dont know much in the way of samba, other than the basic step, which is very simple.

i think i'm going to have to retire from my lame foosball career -- i have good games and bad games... but little consistency, and my average game is not getting any better... i've definitely plateaued, and just don't expect to get any better. waah (stfu).

definitely thinking of getting more into making/mixing some of my own music. starting in highschool i used to experiment with a bunch of devices, wiring together vcrs, tape decks, turntables, cd players, computers, etc. to do a poor man's mix of whatever i could find. never was satisfied at what i could accomplish... ive always had dreams of doing more, and very into electronica, so maybe once my new computer arrives (tomorrow!) i might be able to get into it... we shall see. ive got enough of a library i can start by sampling stuff from what i already have and remixing. should be kewww. its almost time to start a 90s retro movement!
anyway, im off to the company pick-nick-sans-nick! we will miss you nick!

i feel im on the cross again baby, thats got everything to do with you

2006-08-12T15:59:00.000-07:00

I'll wipe these tears from your eyes
I'll wipe these tears, make you feel alright
And you can watch the world go around

So you woke up one morning
Found everything changed
So you woke up one morning
Found you had to rearrange your life
You know you can make it

If you don't love someone, why fake it?
And if you love someone, why chain them to you?
You know you'll never make it

So now you finally realize
Sometimes you just gotta let love pass you by
And watch the world go around

And it's alright

-- Love and Rockets, "The Teardrop Collector"

so last night for FFT we went to a ball game, with plenty o beer, and then to jamesons, talking with people, and drinking a bit, and then some pool later. all in all, a pretty good night. pool i played decently, except for scratching on the 8, which i havent done in a while... but otherwise, moxious. the walk to the car and the drive home were nice. sober, and very in the moment, in control, zen.

im so confused lately. i dont know anymore what im doing. i was so wrapped up in work for so long because it was so rewarding. but things are kinda going to hell in a handbasket due to forces beyond our control. the only question is how quickly, and how soon to jump ship. everyone is feeling pretty much the same way, and things are getting chaotic as the ship is sinking... anyway, im looking elsewhere in my life for satisfaction, and, naturally, not finding it. gotta do something, and quick. people keep telling me to start exercising, which i know would be good, but... finding it hard to make those positive changes. waagh. anybody got some cheese to go with my whine?

anyway, im doing a little design work in my off time, along with writing stumpy ron. being creative is so fulfilling, when it works. wish i could find some way to make it happen more.

got caught up on my BB7 watching this morning... i am not surprised at all the backstabbing going on, that's trademark "reality tv", right? what i am thinking about though is the way people can act so much like genuine friends, and apparently know that it is all a facade, and just stab each other in the back without feeling bad about it. if you know you're going to stab someone in the back, why pretend to be friends? does it really get you that much further in the game/life? is everybody like that? can i really trust anyone? we all want to believe that we are not all like that, but how do we know? seems like more and more, that kind of behavior is considered acceptable, so much so that noone is surprised when it happens... is there any genuine feeling anymore? how long until we are all just playing a game?

two things i learned today/yesterday:

1) im not interested in playing games with people's emotions. i am a genuine person, and genuinely interested... but if i show that to you in the wrong way or the wrong context, you will think that i am putting on an act. so, if i am not reaching out to people, to show them love or friendship, its partly because i don't yet know how to show them what i want to show them, or share what i want to share with them.

2) we are all so critical of ourselves for every little mistake we make. until we get healthier, we need to constantly remind ourselves that most everyone else is not nearly as critical of us as we are of ourselves. when i see someone i care about feeling so bad for some tiny little thing that makes no real difference, i just want to embrace them, and tell them that they needn't feel that way. that is what my/your parent(s) should have done, and should have taught you to do for yourself. but they didnt. and now, here you are, looking for someone else to do it for you. but noone can love you if you can't love yourself, if you can't forgive yourself for making mistakes.

2006-08-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

the pair is in heat, the heat
the heat of flesh
and the mark of your nails
and the salt on your lips
and your head flies back
to the pillow, to the heat
to ecstasy
ecstasy, the battleground
in the battle, in the bed

--Nitzer Ebb, "Fitness to Purpose"

ugh. up last night til 2:30am, helping out with the live site update. actually someone else was on call, but i was at work til late, so it just kinda made sense. not that theres much i could really do, other than observe, help try to reproduce problems, and offer moral support... but, crap, a whole bunch of small issues came up, mostly with content (not directly my problem), but a few that now we have to try to track down. it just feels like the shit storm never ends.

im about to order a new laptop and im really excited about it. just caught up now in deciding on all the details, which i wont bore you with. just having a crappy one from work made me realize how bad my old one really is, and how much better and brighter my life would be if i had a freekin decent laptop. yeah, not really. but consumerism inspires. go Team Capitalism!

anyway... off to work. no rest for the wicked... ;)

Best game of pool evarrrr...

2006-08-09T23:09:00.003-07:00

its been a while since ive been in the mood to write anything... been really confused lately, especially after all that bs about foosball...

anyway, nobody really cares, but a couple of weeks ago i played my best game of pool ever. we went out drinking at jameson's with plans to go to 80s night at john henrys. drank a little more than i wanted to (but it was for a good cause). by the time we got to john henrys i was really buzzed, and a friend of mine with whom i have not had a chance to play pool for months, asked me for a game. i said sure, wanting to distract myself from other events for a moment. i picked out a cue that was probly the only straight one in the joint, but was extremely light. long story short, i missed one shot, and my made shots included a jump shot, and a bank to sink the eight ball. unfortunately that means he got one chance to shoot and missed. at some point during the game he said, "damn, you been saving it up for me." that was not actually true, but was glad i beat him because in the past whenever we have played, i have played pretty miserably, and he, fairly well. anyway... although i have played a few decent games since then, i just can't imagine ever being able to repeat that experience (without practicing a lot -- "what am i, training for the olympics?") however long i live, i think i will always remember that game. ahh.... good times.

Question about owls

2006-08-09T23:09:00.002-07:00

a question ive been meaning to ask:

"the owls are not what they seem."

what does that mean? what does that MEAN? hearing someone say it is eerie. thinking about it is eerie. even the appearance of the words is eerie. david lynch is a genius. you cant tell me im wrong... cause im not!

fuckin a

2006-08-09T23:09:00.001-07:00

two things i learned today:

1) don't make assumptions. duh. talk to people about what you are thinking and feeling instead of just assuming you are on the same page. i say again: duh. how many times have we all learned that lesson?

2) the older and "wiser" you become, the less fun life turns out to be. everytime you get slapped down, it gets a little bit harder to get back up again. yeah, thats just the state of mind im in right now, but fuckin a, man. this too is a recurring lesson.

background and motivation for stumpy ron

2006-08-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

in other news, im writing a song with a co-worker friend of mine. it all started when, playing foosball, i broke one of the guys, and he later got dubbed (by said co-worker friend) "stumpy joe". if youre not aware, thats a reference to the movie "spinal tap" which is a mockumentary released in 1984, about a supposed rock band. in the movie, the band members explain that their drummers keep dying unexpectedly... stumpy joe was one such drummer who died by choking on vomit, and it turns out it was someone elses. a few days later i sent an email to our building services person (who is responsible for fixing and moving things, and is an avid foosball player, so he responds pretty quickly when there is a foos issue) that contained only the following limerick:

his name is stumpy joe
sorry i broke off his toe
agile though he is
computers aint his biz
please let him sco' once mo'

he didnt really understand it, but others thought it was humorous, particularly the play on the word "agile" since that is a buzzword in the software development industry currently. then, a few weeks later, i broke another foosball guy (theyre kinda fragile, surprisingly), and i instantly, and for no reason other than it entered my head, dubbed him "stumpy ron". and, shortly thereafter i sent another limerick to the foos services person:

his name is stumpy ron
no legs to stand upon
desperately in need of repair
or at least a nice wheelchair
won't you help ron get his freak on?

not my best effort, okay, but technically speaking, i was rushed, as i was supposed to be headed out to drink and go to 80s night, and eventually to play my best game of pool ever, as previously mentioned. anyway, that limerick inspired this co-worker friend of mine to write some music, which a few days later he shared with me. it is a rock song to be sure, but interestingly unconventional in some ways. he said it was now my turn, that i should write some lyrics. the next day, i took a few hours and did so. we are currently working on cleaning them up, and making changes to the arrangement of the song, to fit everything together. once we are done, we have another co-worker friend who plays guitar and sings in a band, who is going to take a shot at the vocals. then we will see where we are at.

anyway, point being, i wrote most of the lyrics, and although it is tongue-in-cheek and based upon a broken foosball guy, rather than a real person, it feels good to be able to express myself, and to take pride in the accomplishment. additionally it has been really fun working with people who are willing to fully embrace my ideas, offer constructive criticism, consider my suggestions, and agree or disagree respectfully. another reason why i love where i work -- most everyone is all-around awesome. hopefully the song will turn out really good and i will post a link to it here in a few weeks... stay tuned.

2006-07-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you the story of "Right Hand, Left Hand." It's a tale of good and evil. Hate: It was with this hand that Cane iced his brother. Love: These five fingers, they go straight to the soul of man. The right hand: the hand of love. The story of life is this: Static. One hand is always fighting the other hand; and the left hand is kicking much ass. I mean, it looks like the right hand, Love, is finished. But, hold on, stop the presses, the right hand is coming back. Yeah, he got the left hand on the ropes, now, that's right. Ooh, it's the devastating right and Hate is hurt, he's down. Left-Hand Hate K.O.ed by Love.

-- Radio Raheem, Do The Right Thing, Spike Lee, 1989.

yesterday was freekin hot again, breaking 3 digits. luckily i was able to take refuge at work all day, and the ac was working. it cooled down quickly at night, so that by 10 it was reasonable. stayed at work late to give my apartment a chance to cool off, but by the time i got home at 10:30 it was still like 95 degrees up in this bitch. fuck. had to sleep on the floor in front of the fan again... nothin like sleepin on the floor to give the morning that certain edge...

ah well. caffeine makes everything better. except a bad headache. unless it is a caffeine withdrawal headache. or if you've already had enough caffeine. or a serious injury -- doesn't help much with those. ok, so not everything.

two (or more) things i learned today (yesterday, actually):

the secret to playing foosball well (like anything) is to find that place inside yourself where you are not thinking about the last shot you just missed, or the next shot you would like to make. you cannot be worried about the derision you face if you fail. you cannot be focused on the glory with which you will most certainly be rewarded if you succeed. you cannot be thinking about work, or lunch, or that special someone. it is not about intensity. it is not about strength, physical or emotional. it is about being in the moment, in the now, and finding the point where you are centered. a) clear your mind, b) let your body remember what it has learned, and c) be ready for the ball. ah, the ball. it comes to you and your body knows what to if you just sit back and let it. there is no try. just be. moxie comes of its own accord, arising naturally, and is only inhibited by fear and desire. seek detachment.

i need to spend more time working, and less time playing foosball... if i want to keep my job... hmmm... of course, if i get fired, i won't have access to the foosball table. its a catch-22 that we all deal with on a daily basis.

Bring it all down (WSB)

2006-07-23T15:02:00.000-07:00

Death needs time for what it kills to grow in, for Ah Pook's sweet sake, you stupid, vulgar, greedy, ugly American death-sucker.

-- William S. Burroughs, "Ah Pook, The Destroyer", Dead City Radio, 1990.

Cut word lines, cut music lines.
Smash the control images.
Smash the control machine.
Bring it all down.

-- William S. Burroughs, "Quick Fix", Just One Fix (Single) (Ministry), 1991.

started this morning at 9am with caffeine, ministry, and burroughs... surfed that wave til early afternoon. then nap, and now at highlands again, cause the ac is so fucking sweet. more later...

hotter than jesus

2006-07-23T02:05:00.000-07:00

its so frickin hot in my apartment, i cant sleep. this only happens a few days out of the year, but when it does, its pretty much unbearable. right now im stretched out on the floor in front of my only fan which is blowing cool air in from outside. everywhere outside this 10 ft radius its still about 90 degrees.

gotta find a better place to work than my apartment tomorrow cuz its supposed to be just as hot again. went to highlands today - the ac was nice, but still a little sick so i dont feel like drinking - when i do it just messes up my head anyway. maybe ill try to find a nice out of the way coffee place that has wifi...

i cant think straight when it is hot. i get so woozy and make dumb mistakes, and lose my train of thought so easily... yesterday at work, the ac was out, and i got nothing done. we all wouldve been more productive if wed all had laptops and worked from starbucks or fullcity where theres decent ac. today was pretty much the same - i started the day intending to work to make up for yesterday, and just did not ever get started before the heat came and subverted my efforts.

i need to take my camera with me more often. first, having a camera means you get to capture important events as they happen, or maybe get lucky and find something really interesting. but, second, it makes you look and scrutinize what people are thinking, feeling, and doing a little more, and helps you to see beauty and richness in your physical surroundings. im gonna do that from now on - so try not to laugh if you see me taking a lot of pictures.

im really not happy at the moment... i think this explained by the fact that i have focused so much on work in the past year, and now work has become stressful for a number of reasons. i still like what i do, and i enjoy working alongside those people with whom i do it... but there are some things at work that have soured - mostly because my job responsibilities have changed and i both enjoy and hate it more (strange i know), and also morale is down because of the companys financial difficulties. so i think i need to diversify my life, and start making more friends, and just start doing more stuff.

anyway... two (or more) things i learned today:

the secret to a good meal, and all things really, is variety. i had a fantastic vegetarian meal today that was an odd mix of couscous, grapes, nuts, cucumbers, tomatoes, avocados, blueberries, mixed greens, and bread. sounds maybe a little strange, but was very good, all of it tied together in a sweet and juicy refreshing sort of way...

almost everyone i know is socially awkward in one way or another. i guess we all have our fears and hangups, and in many situations, we just don't know how to react or respond to each other. i think this is a product of a number of different factors, one being that we were all nerds in high school, and mostly still are. most of us are sensitive, sympathetic, and/or empathetic enough to know what others are feeling, and a part of us is desperately reaching out, wishing we could make each other feel more comfortable, wishing we could do something so we dont have to always be so worried about being accepted. but, not having the social graces, and/or not wanting to use them and appear disingenuine, we are left in an awkward hanging silence. ive found the best remedy for that situation is just to be honest and up-front, and just say what is on your mind... but i dont do that as often as i would like, or should. but it is beautiful when you find a group of people that are as awkward as we, yet are completely accepting of it. so that the awkwardness is still there, but we dont have to be ashamed of it or fear it. i dont know if we all feel that way or not - i hope so. maybe all that was better left unsaid...

"Why am I so AWKWARD?!" -- Chris Griffin

Gary's blog

2005-03-29T22:18:00.000-08:00

Here is a link to Gary's blog. Kinda gives you an idea of his sense of humor.

we love you gary

2005-03-28T22:01:00.000-08:00

Tarzan wasn't a ladies man
He'd just come along and scoop em up under his arm
Like that, quick as a cat in the jungle
But Clark Kent, now there was a real gent
He would not be caught sittin around in no
Junglescape, dumb as an ape doing nothing

Superman never made any money
For saving the world from Solomon Grundy
And sometimes I despair, the world will never see
Another man, like him

Hey Bob, Supe had a straight job
Even though he could have smashed through any bank
In the United States, he had the strength, but he would not.
Folks said his family were all dead
Their planet crumbled, but Superman, he forced himself
To carry on, forget Krypton, and keep going

Superman never made any money
For saving the world from Solomon Grundy
And sometimes I despair, the world will never see
Another man, like him.

Tarzan was King of the Jungle and lord over all the apes
But he could hardly string together four words: "I Tarzan, you Jane."

Sometimes, when Supe was stopping crimes,
I'll bet that he was tempted to just quit and turn his back
On man, join Tarzan in the forest
But he stayed in the city, and kept on changing clothes
In dirty old phonebooths till his work was through
Had nothing to do but go on home.

Superman never made any money
For saving the world from Solomon Grundy
And sometimes I despair, the world will never see
Another man, like him

-- Crash Test Dummies, "Superman's Song", The Ghosts that Haunt Me, 1991.

Gary, Colin, and i share a special appreciation for this song. Since Gary's death, it has taken on even more importance and meaning.

Colin, John, and i sang this one together with beers in hand at John's house on Friday after the thing. Luckily nobody but Gary was listening.

Gary

2005-03-27T16:51:00.000-08:00

wow, this past week has been pretty crappy. for anyone reading this who doesn't know, my friend Gary died last saturday (a week ago yesterday). if you knew him and (somehow) this is the first time you are hearing it, then i am sorry. if you did not know him, then well, i am sorry because you really missed out.

last tuesday Lodi and i came up to portland to help my mom clean up her house cause she is getting ready to sell it. as soon as we got here she told me to sit down and gave me the news. shed received an email from one of my friends with whom i had lost touch.

apparently on Saturday, March 19, Gary had a major stroke. he was in eugene at the time, and he and his fiancee went to the hospital when it was apparent that there was a real problem. the doctors at sacred heart did not think of a stroke as a possibility so they did not do a cat scan right away. once they did, and they realized how severe the situation was, he was transported to portland, where they operated. they were able to solve the immediate problem, but a few hours later in recovery, additional blood clots appeared causing more strokes, which were numerous and severe enough that he could not recover.

for anyone who did not know him, this is a very strange thing. he was 34 at the time, and he has always been one of the healthiest and most active people ive ever known. during our time growing up, he didnt do drugs and he hardly ever drank. he was always very concerned about what he was putting into his body, and how it would or could aid or prevent him from doing what he wanted to do. he loved hiking and climbing, and did them as often as he could afford to.

ha. it would be bitterly ironic, if only it did not fill me with such rage.

ive spent a lot of time over the past few days wishing that it had been me. not because i want to die, and not because i want to leave behind the people that i love, but because he is needed in this world much more than i. and i cannot possibly live up to the standard that he has set.

friday night we went to his "Life Celebration", which was held at the kennedy school in portland. there were a lot of people there, family, friends, co-workers, colleagues, probably around 200. ive never been to a traditional wake, so i dont know if this was anything like that. but it was very touching, very appropos for him. it was sad at times, and happy at others. it just felt honest -- like a bunch of people coming together to share how much he meant, and what he did for them. a number of people got up and spoke about him, how he affected their lives. how he taught by example, and inspired something greater in us all. needless to say, i was moved.

afterward, we went with some of his friends who were at the celebration over to a friends house nearby and hung out. i think we were all numbed from the alcohol, or at least i was, so we were sort of joking around, laughing, just hanging out, the way we used to. it seemed right at the time, not knowing what else to do, we were just being us. being what we're like. being like ourselves. (hed have enjoyed that reference).

i found out a lot about the major changes that have happened in the lives of my friends, too. everybody is moving along in different ways, and at different speeds. and suddenly i realized that my whole perception of myself and my life has been frozen in time for the past three or four years. i walked into that room assuming that little had changed with Gary, and everyone else, and walked away realizing that, no, it was just me. which was a very scary thought.

Gary and i had not talked or seen each other in the past few years, which was mostly due to the fact that i have been feeling so crappy about issues in our past, which i wont go into here. i had apologized for my actions, and tried to patch things up with him, and he had tried to accept my apology, and made a worthy and sincere effort to rebuild our friendship again. but, i think my guilt prevented me from allowing it to happen. i could not bring myself to do it, in part because i could not face him, but also because i never wanted to let him down again. and, i just wish now id had a chance to make it right. i dont know what i would have done necessarily -- maybe just let him know that i love him, and that things are better this way. its clear though that he was so far beyond all of it. he must have thought about it, and come to terms with it, and moved beyond it, in a way that i was not able to...

some people explain death by saying that his soul was needed elsewhere. or that he had learned everything he was supposed to in this lifetime. or that he completed what he was sent here to do. i dont know if i agree with any of those explanations, but i dont dismiss them outright.

what i do know is that there is more to this universe than what we can see. ki or chi is real and can be perceived if you open your mind and your senses to it. and i know that Gary is out there, somewhere, in whatever form. and i just wish i could sit down with him like we used to and have him explain to me what this all means... its like hes walked up behind me, slapped me on the back, saying "'TSUP?!", scaring the shit out of me, and then left with no explanation.

only this moment, always

2005-03-04T10:32:00.000-08:00

We have come a long way, we have a long way to go. In between we are somewhere. Only this moment, always. We never get to change the past. We never get to know the future. No reason to wish for one place rather than another; no reason to say I wish I were home, or I wish I were in an exotic new place that is not my home. They will all be the same as this place. Here the experience of existing comes clear. The world is our body.

-- Kim Stanley Robinson, Antarctica, pp. 400-1.

Being an Oregonian

2005-03-04T07:27:00.000-08:00

When I have met people from other places, during my travels or theirs, and they ask me where I am from, and I tell them that I am from Oregon, most of the time I see a puzzled or blank face staring back at me. That's of course because they might be able to assume certain things about me if I had said I was from New York or Los Angeles, or Boston or San Francisco. But, if you travel the world, or even the country, you will find very few people that know much at all about Oregon, let alone the set of beliefs shared by most Oregonians.

For me, being an Oregonian does not mean simply that you were born here, or that you live here currently. Rather, being an Oregonian means that you share an appreciation for your physical surroundings: the earth underneath your feet, the house that you live in, the trees in your yard. And you understand how large a role that plays in your and others' quality of life.

An Oregonian, no matter where he/she is, even in a large city, understands (on some level) that he/she doesn't just live on the land, or off the land. We live in and with the land. We interact with nature, and it with us. We change it, and it changes us.

Being an Oregonian means showing more humility to the land that we walk upon and nature that we live in, than we do to any other person sharing the space with us. It does not mean saving the environment for it's own sake, nor does it mean saving it for our sake. Being an Oregonian means that, to truly understand what it means to be alive, you have to understand your interaction and interdependence with your physical surroundings, whether those surroundings are natural or synthetic.

Being an Oregonian means never losing that natural awareness, or at least doing our best not to. And that means being very careful about what we build and where we build it, so that we can maintain that awareness. Should the Coho Salmon be preserved for it's own sake, or for ours? I'm not sure, but I know that I have lost some part of what it means to be a human here and now if that species disappears from the face of the Earth.

The Wikipedia entry for Oregon contains the following passages:

A 1977 article in U.S. News and World Report described Oregon as a

state of scenic grandeur and easygoing individualism [that] is writing the preface to what may be the future for all Americans: simple living, conservation, and limited growth.

That description still applies over a quarter-century later. Oregonians are proud of their state's beautiful forests and streams, and place great importance on proper use of their natural resources. They struggle to balance this with the desire to support the development needed to support its increasing population without losing what attracts people to Oregon in the first place.

To tell you the truth, it does not bother me (or most Oregonians) that you don't know anything about Oregon, and therefore you can't judge me by my cover. It also does not bother me because if you really knew and understood where I came from, you'd want to be here too. And as a result, where I came from would never be the same.

Don't get me wrong--we love tourism! Please come and visit. See our beautiful mountains and valleys and mountain valleys, and our shores, and our wildlife. Come see the wilderness. But, please don't stay. If you stay, you will change it, and it won't be the wilderness any more, and it won't be my home anymore.

I am proud to be an Oregonian. I hope you take the time to understand.

artificial food

2005-03-03T09:26:00.000-08:00

check out this chef who makes food by printing edible ink on edible paper.

i was allured by the fact that the menu is edible, and is sometimes flavored like the food it describes. no more scratch n' sniff -- now its scratch n' taste! but, wait! do you know where that menu has been?

the use of a 3d modeler to create food is reminiscent of a food replicator from tng. not the same technology or whatever, but should i take this as a sign that progress is being made toward that end?

Bush "Admits" Raiding the Trust Fund to Pay for Tax Cuts for the Wealthy

2005-02-18T18:29:00.000-08:00

In order to crisis-ize the Social Security solvency issue, Bush has had to admit (implicitly, never explicitly) that:
1) All his promises during the 2000 election about Social Security solvency not becoming an issue have all been broken.
2) He has raided the precious "lock box" that protected the Social Security trust fund, and was was created in February of 2001 after years of insistence by the Republican congressional leadership.
3) The raids on the Trust Fund went to pay for his tax cuts over the past four years.
4) A full 33% (1/3) of those tax cuts went to the top 1% of taxpayers, earning over $337,000 per year.
5) He has no plans to stop: His 2005 budget very clearly shows borrowing of more money from the SS trust fund.

The following comments were made by the President during a speech at the Department of Commerce:

Some in our country think that Social Security is a trust fund -- in other words, there's a pile of money being accumulated. That's just simply not true. The money -- payroll taxes going into the Social Security are spent. They're spent on benefits and they're spent on government programs. There is no trust.

What he doesn't say is that the "government programs" are his tax cuts.

As kind of an aside, Rep. Peter DeFazio (D-Oregon, 4th district) had some interesting things to say back in 2001 about Bush's raiding of the trust fund. What is even more odd is that these comments were made on the morning of September 11, on the House floor, just minutes before they found out about the attacks in New York City and Washington D.C. It's worth reading if for no other reason than to think about how those attacks completely derailed this debate, and obscured it from public view for three years or more.

Reforming Social Security: The Mission

2005-02-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

I agree with conservatives that it is better for me to have the freedom to invest my money the way that I see fit, and that in fact I, not the federal government, should and do have the responsibility to provide for my own retirement.

But, I also think it is better for me, my family, and my community, if we can prevent all people, retired included, from falling below the poverty level.

In other words, I should be as free as possible, so that I can climb as high as I can, but there needs to be a safety net in case I fall.

Social security is a social program, not a personal pension. We should do away with the notion that by paying into Social Security, you are saving for your own retirement. Social security should be the safety net, and not the ladder.

If we add personal accounts to Social Security, then Social Security will become both a welfare program and a federal mandatory retirement savings program. In other words, both the safety net and the ladder. The shortcomings we have seen from the FAA in recent decades are evidence of what happens when you give a governement agency a dual role, resulting in a conflict of interests. Every government agency should be created under the principle that it do one thing and do it well.

We should change the rules: Social security can only be used to supplement all other income after retirement up to a certain percentage above the poverty level. For example, 120% of poverty level (the additional 20% is factored in to pay for medical care and prescriptions, which are a greater portion of monthly expenses for retired persons). Thus, Social Security benefits are reduced by any other income you receive during retirement.

Since Social Security is a social program like welfare, there should be no separate social security tax--it should be rolled into the federal income tax, and the federal income tax should be adjusted appropriately.

Currently, only the first $90,000 of income is subject to Social Security taxes. Since Social Security is a social program, I see no logical reason for this cap. The cap should be eliminated, and Social Security tax correspondingly lowered, prior to incorporating Social Security tax into the federal income tax.

Reforming Social Security: The Surplus

2005-02-11T09:48:00.000-08:00

As you may already know, the Social Security system currently has a surplus: There is more money coming in than there is being paid out. The surplus is used to purchase Treasury bonds, which are then placed into the Social Security "Trust Fund".

As I pointed out in my previous article, since the proceeds from the Treasury bonds go into the General Fund, and are then spent, the only thing that the Trust Fund does is to make the bookkeeping more explicit: The surplus Social Security revenues are added into the calculation of the National Deficit as liabilities of the Treasury Department.

You may recall that back in 1997, fixing Social Security came up, and one of the issues was what to do with the surplus. (Aside: Back then the year of "crisis" was 2014.) Clinton supported the reasonable, logical idea that the surplus should be used to pay down the National Deficit (since the Social Security Trust Fund was adding to the deficit). The Republicans, of course, wanted to give it back to the taxpayers.

In 2000, Gore supported the idea of a "lockbox", proposing that the money could be held in a kind of savings account or vault. The problem was not the idea, but how he explained it: He was dumbing it down for the lowest common denominator, and made all of us feel like we were being talked down to.

The best thing that could have been done with the surplus, and the way he should have explained it to us, would be to pay down the deficit to the extent that it could be (you cant pay bonds until they are cashed in by the holder). The only question then is how to cover the remaining liabilities.

One approach to covering the liabilities is to purchase assets. These assets must not depreciate and be easy to liquidate, such as gold. Critics say that this is a very conservative approach, since gold sitting in fort knox does not do you any good (like cash buried in the backyard), and it actually costs you money because you have to pay to protect it. You are better off by using the money to invest in the economy, so that when the future comes, we can take the "hit".

The Neo-Cons have thought for a long time (well before Bush was a candidate) that private accounts are the way to go because then the surplus goes back into the economy where it can do some good.

But I argue, and I think that the Democrats should be arguing, that establishing private accounts is essentially the same thing as a Social Security tax cut, except that we are forced to invest our tax rebate. If the Democrats made this argument, they could swing a lot of moderates over to their cause, because most people do not like to be forced by the government to do anything. And the only way that Bush and the Neo-Cons would be able to fight back is to reveal some of the most critical flaws of his proposal.

An even better solution would be to reform the Social Security system by allowing it to save some of the surplus for the near future. This would be a two-phased approach to savings/investment, with a five-year window: 1) A savings account, guaranteed by the FDIC, that would be used to cover 1-2 year commitments, and 2) an interest-bearing investment account to cover 3-5 year commitments. The latter would be based upon a diverse portfolio of stocks and bonds with an eye toward conservative investments. Then, each year, any surplus should be returned to the taxpayers.

Is the Social Security Trust Fund Empty?

2005-02-10T09:22:00.000-08:00

In their attempt to crisis-ize the Social Security solvency issue, many conservatives have argued that the Social Security Trust Fund is "empty", "There is no Trust Fund", or "The Trust Fund is full of IOUs that are not worth the paper they are printed on."

The Trust Fund contains no cash--that much is true. The cash was used to buy Treasury bonds. The Treasury Department put the proceeds into the General Fund, and that money has all been spent. The bonds are probably not worth 100% of their face value, since the Treasury probably cannot pay them all (without liquidating its assets, and/or borrowing some cash) if they were all cashed-in today. But they are not worthless.

The real question is what will happen when we do have to start cashing in these bonds. If we make no changes, that won't come until 2018. If we have not done anything to change the situation before then, then we will almost certainly have to borrow enough money to pay for the bonds to be cashed in, in order to pay the Social Security benefits that were guaranteed. To keep the deficit from skyrocketing at that point, we will have to raise income taxes.

But the president said he would have the deficit cut in half in 4 years, and we can certainly eliminate the other half in the following 9 years, so, using his numbers, we should be okay! :) On the other hand, if we implement his private accounts, we will probably have to start cashing in some of these bonds sooner, perhaps some even immediately.

One small note of optimism: The Treasury bonds are calculated into the national deficit, so the deficit will not go up just by virtue of cashing in these bonds--although, it probably will go up if it is necessary to borrow cash, due to the interest that will accrue. But the important thing is that if the deficit is to be completely eliminated, the government must have sufficient assets to pay its liabilities, including these bonds. In other words, at least there is an IOU--even if the government cannot pay it. If the trust fund were truly empty, then there would be no cash and no IOU!

The Social Security "Crisis"

2005-02-08T11:15:00.000-08:00

This article from the Seattle Times does a good job of explaining, in an unbiased way, the truth about the Social Security solvency situation.

The media is currently overflowing with people, liberals and conservatives alike, who are upset because they feel that Bush and the Neo-Cons are lying to them (again) by painting the Social Security solvency issue as a crisis that must be fixed immediately. Reading the article above makes it clear why we all should be upset about this attempted crisis-ization of the Social Security solvency issue.

Whether or not Bush and the Neo-Cons are lying, explicitly or implicitly, they are certainly being deceptive, by misusing frightening terminology and describing frightening scenarios, which are very clearly not going to happen. The soon-to-be-retired baby-boomers will not let it happen. The Neo-Cons want to steamroll this thing through Congress the same way they did the Patriot Act.

Think of it this way: They are trying to define what your perception of Social Security will be. Do you want to be controlled like that? Can you allow them to do that, and continue to beleive that you are a free-thinker?

In that sense we ought to think of this crisis-ization as a test of how easily we average citizens will accept what they say, ignore at the facts, and resist engaging in a serious debate about the responsibility of a free society to care for its people.

As part of that debate, here are some talking points:

Over time, public perception of Social Security has shifted from being a social welfare program to being a pension or mandatory government-run retirement account. It used to be that we thought it was important to keep the people that are retired today out of poverty because it is better for society (socially, morally, and economically). We now seem to be able to think only of ourselves--that we have a right to collect, when we are retired, every penny we paid into the system. That might be a desirable goal, but that is not what the SSA was designed to do. So, if we are going to seriously do some Social Security reform, why are we not engaging in a larger discussion about what Social Security was meant to be, and what we want it to be, for ourselves, our parents and grandparents right now, and in the future?

Even Bush's numbers say that we won't even start to feel the impact of this crisis for 13 years. So, why is this a crisis to be dealt with today, or tomorrow, or this month? Yes, of course it is better to do something sooner rather than later. But, since it is a large serious issue, don't we at least have the sense to take a year or two (out of the 13) to have a discussion about it and come up with some real, long-term solutions? Okay, so we don't want the discussion to drag on forever, so, put a time limit on it.

How does establishing private accounts help to address the "crisis"? Think about the last time you were short on cash: does moving money from one savings account to another savings account help the overall problem? Does borrowing more money to pay your bills help solve the problem? The White House has recently admitted that private accounts do not solve the problem. In fact, looking at the numbers, it will likely make the problem worse, since putting money into private investment accounts means less revenue can be paid to people collecting Social Security today. Bush plans to accomplish this by running up the national debt, which is already at a record high.

Under Bush's plan, once you retire, your private account is paid back to you in small monthly payments, and your social security benefit is reduced by that amount! The effect of this is that your monthly benefit will be about the same as if private accounts did not exist in the first place. So what is the advantage of private accounts?

Why are we even thinking about something which is not a "solution", and deliberately contains built-in flaws? Why would Bush even propose something like that? Because his goal here is to "privatize" (abolish) Social Security. I am sure that the issue will be revisited in a few years, and the Neo-Cons will point out the flaws that they built into the solution. At which point they will say that people should just be allowed to invest that money any damn way they please, and the way to do that is to allow people to divert more (and more, and more) of their SS tax into their private account. And, eventually, they will ask why the government needs to be involved in saving our money at all (they don't, but that isn't what Social Security is about--see question 1 above).

People have criticized Bush for saying that the Social Security system will be "bankrupt" in 13 years, pointing out that the situation facing Social Security does not fit the legal definition of bankruptcy. But, the people who are pursuaded (scared) by his use of the work "bankrupt" do not care about the exact definition of the word. So why are we arguing about it?

Bush's impending "crisis" assumes that nothing happens in the next 37 years, to fix the problem. According to Bush's State of the Union address, currently there are about 3 working people for each Social Security beneficiary, and over the next few decades, that number will shrink to 2 working people for every beneficiary. So, is it not reasonable to say that, since the population of retired people is growing, that it will have a correspondingly stronger lobby in Washington during the next 37 years? And if that is the case, how likely is it that they will just sit idly by and let nothing change? We should not fall into the trap of beleiving that this is our last chance to fix the problem.

If the retired lobby will be stronger in the coming decades than it is today, isn't it more likely that the crisis the Neo-Cons are facing is that they know their agenda of privatizing (abolishing) social security will not get any easier in the future, so they know that they had better get started on it now?

Why aren't our elected leaders using the media as adeptly as the Neo-Cons are to ask these same questions? They should be outraged. And they should help us to understand why we should be outraged.

Why isn't the media taking more of an active role in this debate, researching what people say, and pointing out where they are lying and/or being deceptive?

Since this problem is not a crisis, why aren't we talking about real solutions to the real crises people face today, including retired citizens, such as the rising cost of health care and prescriptions? Isn't that something that deserves rushing toward a solution? Or do we really believe the rhetoric that Bush fixed it last year with the Medicare prescription cards?

It's Democrats Ripping You Off!

2005-02-04T12:04:00.000-08:00

"Yes, but why, Wade, why? How do these people win elections? I have never understood why so many decent hardworking Americans will loyally and you have to say even pigheadedly continue to vote for people whose explicit declared project is to rip them off."

"People don't see it that way," Wade said...

"But it's so obvious! Cutting jobs, reducing wages, increasing hours, shaving benefits and retirements--all this downsizing is the downsizing of labor costs, meaning less of what companies make is given to the employees and more to the owners and shareholders. And this is the Republican program! They advocate this transfer of profits! They write and pass the laws that allow it, and oppose the laws that try to stop it! So why do people vote for them, why? Nobody making less than about seventy grand a year should ever even think of voting for them! And even the people who make more should reconsider their priorities... [H]ow do they do it?"

"They tell people it's Democrats ripping them off, with taxes. People see business paying them and government taking it away."

"But business takes it away too! They take it first and they take more and then they run off with it! People are just squeaking by while their employers are zillionaires! At least if the government rips you off then they use the money to build roads and schools and airports and jails and all, they build the whole damn infrastructure! No, taxing and spending is good, that's what I say--tax big and spend big, I say that right on the floor of the Senate."

"We know, Phil. We watch in the office and we weep."

-- Kim Stanley Robinson, Antarctica, pp. 82-83.

The Inexorable Logic of Götterdämmerung Capitalism

2005-02-02T08:33:00.000-08:00

Say a company owned a forest that it had harvested selectively for generations, delivering its shareholders a consistent ten percent return. Meanwhile, the world financial markets were offering bonds with a fifteen percent return. Lumber prices dropped, and the company's returns dropped, so the traders dropped it and it shares plummeted, so the shareholders were angry. The management, on the edge of collapse, decided to clear-cut the forest and invest the profits from that lumber sale immediately into bonds that yielded a higher return than the forest had. In effect, the money that the forest represented was more valuable than the forest itself, because long-term value had collapsed to net present value; and so the forest was liquidated, and more money entered the great money balloon. And so the inexorable logic of Götterdämmerung capitalism demolished the world to increase the net present values of companies in trouble. And all of them were in trouble.

-- Kim Stanley Robinson, Antarctica, pp. 57.

I decided to do a little research to better understand what Robinson means by the term "Götterdämmerung capitalism" in the passage above. As far as I can tell, this is a term that Robinson himself, or someone near to him, invented, although a Google search shows vague connections between Götterdämmerung and capitalism all over the place. This is because about 90 years ago some folks likened the Ring of the Nibelung to Capitalism. Let me explain:

The Wikipedia article on "Götterdämmerung" explains that the word is German for "Twilight of the Gods", and is the title of the fourth opera in Wagner's tetralogy "Der Ring des Nibelungen" (The Ring of the Nibelung), which retells (with significant revision) the legends of Norse mythology. The title itself is a German (mis)translation of the Norse word "Ragnarok", which refers to a prophesized war of the Gods that causes an apocalypse. The war itself is a contest for a ring of power. Ever since the opera was created, people have likened the ring to any number of seductive vices that corrupt people, capitalism being one.

However, it is only recently that the phrase, Götterdämmerung capitalism, has been used. The plainest interpretation of what Robinson or anyone else means by the term is the destruction of the world due to a war among the "Gods" of capitalism, i.e. large corporations, and the handful of super-elite that run them.

Judging from the paragraph cited above, and the first 56 pages of the book, and various reviews I have read, Robinson is thinking primarily of the literal destruction of the world, i.e. the Earth -- the natural environment. But it would be interesting to find other interpretations/extensions of the term that pertain to the destruction of other facets of human experience that we might rightly consider to be part of the world, such as the relationship and influence between the Community and the Individual.

From other resources, it appears there are a number of people who seem to think that Götterdämmerung means the twilight of something, and that therefore, Götterdämmerung capitalism means the twilight of capitalism, or perhaps, the twilight of some form of capitalism. These are clear misinterpretations of the term, however.

X, The Man With No Name

2005-01-31T12:30:00.000-08:00

...Or when you discover that McMurdo [Antarctica], the place to which you are confined by the strictest of company regulations, resembles an island of traveler services clustered around the offramp of a freeeway long since abandoned. Or, worse yet, when you meet a woman, and start something with her, and go with her on vacation to New Zealand, and travel around South Island with her, the first woman you ever really loved; and then after a brief off-season you return to McMurdo and your reunion with her only to have her dump you on arrival as if your Kiwi idyll had never happened. Or when you see her around town soon after that, trolling with the best of them; or when you find out that some people are calling you "the sandwich," in reference to the ice women's old joke that bringing a boyfriend to Antarctica is like bringing a sandwich to a smorgasbord. Now that's heartbreak for you...

...the Sandwich as he had been called for the last few weeks, also the Earl of Sandwich, the Earl, the Duke of Earl (with appropriate vocal riff), and the Duke; and then, because these variations seemed to be running thin, and appeared also to touch something of a sore spot, he was once again referred to by the nicknames he had received in Antarctica the year before: Extra Large, which was the size announced prominently on the front of his tan Carhartt overalls; and then of course Extra; and then just plain X. "Hey X, they need you to shovel snow off the coms roof, get over there!"

After the sandwich variations he had been very happy to return to this earlier name, a name that anyway seemed to express his mood and situation--the alienated, anonymous, might- as- well- be- illiterate- and- signing- his- name- with- a- mark General Field Assistant, the Good For Anything, The Man With No Name. It was the name he used himself--"Hey Ron, this is X, I'm on the coms roof, the snow is gone. What next, over."--thus naming himself in classic Erik Erikson style, to indicate his rebirth and seizure of his own life destiny. And so X returned to general usage, and became again his one and only name. Call me X. He was X.

-- Kim Stanley Robinson, Antarctica, pp. 1-3.

Education Secretary pulls funding for episode of PBS show

2005-01-27T13:33:00.000-08:00

We should not be surprised if and when Congressional funding for public broadcasting is cut in the next four years. After all, the White House is already doing it:

Education Secretary Margaret Spellings, as one of her first actions in that position, denounced PBS for spending public money for an episode of "Postcards from Buster", a children's program produced by WGBH. The episode features two lesbian couples, whom the main character, Buster, meets while on a trip to Vermont. Spellings stated that "many parents would not want children exposed to such lifestyles."

She further stated, "Congress' and the Department's purpose in funding this programming certainly was not to introduce this kind of subject matter to children, particularly through the powerful and intimate medium of television."

After requesting a refund of the Department's funding for the episode, given to PBS as part of the Department of Education's "Ready-to-Learn" program, she warned, "You can be assured that in the future the department will be more clear as to its expectations for any future programming that it funds."

PBS has decided not to air the episode, although they claim it is not in response to Spelling's requests. However, just a few days earlier PBS officials, including the PBS president, viewed the episode and decided it was appropriate.

References

CNN.com - Education secretary condemns public show with gay characters

New York Times - Culture Wars Pull Buster Into the Fray

Bush's Terror Alerts

2004-08-24T02:47:00.000-07:00

In this article, Julius Civitatus describes and analyzes the results of his work comparing the timing of each of the terror alerts since 9/11 with Bush's approval ratings from 15 different polls. He observes that each of the alerts follows a dip and precedes an improvement in those ratings. Through additional analysis, he also points out that many of the alerts occur at a point where there are many unfavorable headlines in the press, and has collected a fairly comprehensive list. Additionally he notes that the frequency of alerts has increased as we get closer to the elections. He concludes that the announcements of new information in the war on terror are politically motivated.

There are many problems with this analysis however. First, it isn't clear that the data is statistically significant because he is using the median approval rating as the benchmark without any indication that the median should be more meaningful than any other statistic, and because a number of those polls are known to not be "scientific." Second, despite his observation to the contrary, each of the alerts does not follow a dip in approval ratings, as is clear from the chart. Third, an increase in the approval ratings is quite possibly due to an alert, but that by itself does not necessarily mean that the Bush administration is manipulating the timing of such alerts. Third, there has been a lot of negative press for the Bush administration over the past few years, and rightly so; there may or may not be a true correlation between these phenomena. Fourth, it is not unlikely, given the current state of political affairs, that the frequency of alerts would increase as we get closer to the elections.

Julius' analysis is suggestive, but quite incomplete, and in some places unfounded. A more in-depth study is needed.

Thoughts on 9/11 Commission Report, Chapter 1

2004-08-19T01:54:00.000-07:00

I've started reading the 9/11 Commission Report, and I've finished chapter 1, which details the events that occurred in the morning of September 11. It is clear from the report that there was an astonishing lack of coherence and communication at the highest levels of the government and military. Notwithstanding the inadequate security measures and emergency protocols that were in place at the time, we have good reason to be critical of our leaders and the administrators of government agencies that report to them.

Here are some things we ought to be critical about:

The top FAA administrators made few if any decisions that were required of them. As a result, FAA operational staff at lower levels and the civilians on United flight 93 had to take the initiative to make up for this incompetence. For example, the instruction to ground all air traffic was initiated by a mid-level manager, not the people at the top.

The top FAA administrators did not make a diligent effort to stay in communication with FAA operational staff at lower levels, nor to get into communication with other governmental agencies. As the situation escalated to a greater and greater threat level, they became less and less effective at management. For example the FAA Hijack Coordinator did not notify the military command (National Military Command Center) of each of the hijacked aircraft, as they were required to do according to established protocol.
Once it was clear that this was a terrorist attack, the top commanders in NORAD did not communicate with their counterparts in the FAA.
The FAA and the White House each setup separate teleconferences to try to sort out the information, but neither teleconference included the necessary individuals to adequately engage in decision making, and in fact they competed with one another for command and control.
The President was completely ineffective throughout the majority of the day, particularly in the hours immediately following the attacks. For example, after the President's first remarks from the elementary school in Sarasota, Florida, he was not in contact with the Pentagon, but rather was consulting his senior advisers about his statement to the nation.
The Vice President supposedly called the President between 10:10 and 10:15 to obtain authorization to shoot down hijacked planes if it became necessary. There is no log of this call, although there are logs of his other calls, and neither his cheif of staff (who was taking notes) nor his wife remember the call. Yet, he gave the order to his military liason shortly thereafter, and to other individuals sometime later.
After the attack on the Pentagon, Donald Rumsfeld, the Secretary of Defense, (an essential individual for much of the decision-making) went out to the parking lot to aid in the rescue efforts, which meant that he was unreachable for at least 30 minutes by the White House administration, and did not "regain situational awareness" until an hour after the Pentagon was struck. He is now being lauded for his life-saving rescue efforts.

Of all the things that went wrong, there is one theme that appears again and again: Clear, accurate, decisive information flowed more freely between agencies at lower levels than it did up and down the organizational hiearchy within agencies, or between agencies at the highest levels. For example, regarding the first plane to be hijacked, American 11, FAA administrator Garvey and deputy Belger, "had not been told of a confirmed hijacking before they learned from television that a plane had crashed," into the WTC North tower, although, "others in the agency were aware of it."

This meant that communication was occuring via an ad-hoc network of people, in addition to preestablished hierarchies of command and control. And because the information was flowing more freely through this ad-hoc network, the participants got the information more quickly from that network than from their own agency hierarchy. Over time, perhaps an hour or two, people began to rely on the veracity of the information from that ad-hoc network more than from the channels established according to protocol.

There are two important results of the tendency to rely on this ad-hoc network:

Erroneous information was propagated through the ad-hoc network and command hiearchies without appropriate verification.
It is more difficult to establish command and control through preestablished command hierarchies when information is not flowing within the hierarchy, and individuals within the hierarchy are relying on information from external sources.

As an example of the propagation of erroneous information: FAA headquarters mistakenly communicated to their Boston center that American 11 (which had already crashed into the WTC north tower 35 minutes prior) was still airborne and headed toward Washington, D.C. The source of this erroneous information is unknown, but it is obviously due to confusion within the FAA between the hijacked American 11 and the missing/hijacked American 77. FAA's Boston center communicated the erroneous information to the military through an ad-hoc connection to NEADS (Northeast Air Defense Sector), and at the same time speculated that the plane was en route somewhere over New Jersey. In response NEADS scrambled fighters from Langley, Virginia, and ordered them to intercept American 11 in the Baltimore, Maryland area. In fact, at that time, American 77 was en route to Washington, D.C., probably somewhere over northern Virginia. Ten minutes after the fighters were scrambled, NEADS found out about American 77 only because they took the initiative and established another ad-hoc connection with FAA headquarters. NEADS attempted to redirect the fighters back to Washingon, but due to another confusion, they were not en route to Baltimore, but headed east out over the Atlantic ocean. Four minutes later American 77 crashed into the Pentagon. Although it is possible that the fighters could have intercepted American 77, the commission states that it would have been unlikely.

As an example of the difficulty to establish command and control: At least three times between 10:14 and 10:19 the Vice President gave the authorization to the military that fighters were cleared to engage inbound aircraft if they could verify that the aircraft was hijacked. It is unclear (to me anyway) whether this meant only aircraft "inbound" to the D.C. area, or whether it applied to any target anywhere in the U.S., or the world for that matter. This order was relayed to NORAD via a conference call, and the order was sent down the chain of command, despite the fact that the NORAD commander was still en route to the NORAD command center. At least 12 minutes after the Vice President gave the order, over the NORAD instant messaging system went the message: "Vice president has cleared to us to intercept tracks of interest and shoot them down if they do not respond..." Once NEADS got the order, it was not passed along to the pilots of the intercept fighters because the commanders were "unaware of its ramifications," and, "unsure how the pilots would, or should, proceed with this guidance." It was not until 10:39 that Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld learned of the order that the Vice President had given at least 30 minutes prior. Meanwhile, in response to information and orders being passed via an ad-hoc connection between the Vice President and the Secret Service, the D.C. Air National Guard had scrambled fighters from Andrews Air Force Base, with orders to protect the White House and take out any aircraft that threatened the Capitol. In other words the same order was given by the Vice President, but due to the fact that they were transmitted through both official and ad-hoc channels, they were interpreted differently, resulting in two sets of fighters with different authorization.

Surely, it is easy to make critical remarks with 20/20 hindsight. But at the same time, these issues demonstrate a lack of awareness of the potential of any kind of significant attack on key targets within the United States, not to mention preparedness to defend against it. There was no consistent effort within any of the involved agencies to adhere to any preestablished protocols in situations where such protocols existed. It demonstrates very clearly why a coordinated emergency response must be planned, practiced, and implemented according to that plan.

Bush's "Ownership Society"

2004-08-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

In this article, NYTimes columnist Paul Krugman discusses the latest trend in the Bush compaign, that of pushing the concept an "ownership society".

Bush says, not incorrectly, that "if you own something, then you have a vital stake in the future of America." However, Krugman points out that even your average wage-earners who own very little if any property, still have a stake in America's future, and know it.

Krugman goes on to say that this "ownership society" concept is just an extension of Bush's policies that favor investment returns over wages by seeking to shift the tax burden entirely away from investment income. Krugman further points out how unrealistic that is, since the majority of Americans do not see investment returns, not because they are dissuaded from investment by taxes, but because they don't have any extra money to invest.

What Krugman misses here is that the "ownership society" idea is also just an extension to the notion that small businesses will be the answer to the current economic problems Americans face, especially the overseas outsourcing of jobs. That is, owning your own business, and depending upon it for survival, is a key component in Bush's Ownership Society.

The real goal of this policy is to reduce the pressure on corporations to keep jobs here in the States by shifting the responsibility to the individual to start a small business. As more and more union jobs are lost, the power of the individual is diminished because the systems that enabled him/her to organize are being torn down. Meanwhile, Bush is doing little to facilitate the success of small businesses, and their ability to compete head-to-head with large corporations. This ensures that most small business will fail, and that the power of the elite will not be threatened.

In effect, the "Ownership Society" is a false promise used to sell a policy that is designed to keep us small, keep us fractured, keep us disenfranchised. And, at the same time Bush is telling us that it will have exactly the opposite effect.

"America Number One is a lie. Don't believe the hype."

President to be Outsourced

2004-08-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

Washington, D.C. (AP)

Congress today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be outsourced overseas as of August 15. The move is being made to save $450,000 a year in salary and benefits.

The cost savings will be quite significant" says Congressman Adam Smith (D -Wash) who, with the aid of Congress' research arm, the General Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and remain competitive in the world stage," Congressman Smith added.

President Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of the termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 a week from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.

"I'm in shock," Bush stated. "I thought for sure I'd have some job security around this place. I have no idea what I'll do now," he further lamented. Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move.

Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the Office of President of the United States as of August 16. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of US$320 a month but with no health coverage other benefits. Due to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when offices of the U.S. Government are open.

"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center. I always knew I could be a President someday."

Congress stressed that patience will be required when contacting Mr. Singh as he may not be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern.

The Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized as these scripting tools have already been used previously by President Bush here in the U.S. Such scripts will enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to understand the issue itself."

Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.

Dubya on Larry King

2004-08-17T00:58:00.000-07:00

Dubya on Larry King Live, August 15:

G. BUSH: There's a chattering class of kind of, you know, professional politicians who get on the airwaves and they kind of feel like it's their duty to stir things up. But the American people are -- they're focused on their families, and they're focused on their work. And they're interested in, you know, how government can help secure this country during these dangerous times. But I just don't see it. When I travel the country, and I've been traveling a lot, there are thousands of people who come out and wave, and they are -- you know, they respect the presidency. Sometimes they like the president, but I have this -- I don't have a sense that there's a lot of anger.

Talk about being out-of-touch...

Here's another gem:

G. BUSH: In the long run free countries will end up listening to the hopes and desires of their people. Free countries will be peaceful countries. Free countries are countries that don't export terror. And it's vital that the United States never forget the power of liberty when it comes to transforming societies.

Florida Almost Prepped for Bush Victory

2004-08-17T00:35:00.000-07:00

From this NYTimes article:

State police officers have gone into the homes of elderly black voters in Orlando and interrogated them as part of an odd "investigation" that has frightened many voters, intimidated elderly volunteers and thrown a chill over efforts to get out the black vote in November.

Looks like Jeb is fixing to hand over Florida again.

Let there be blog!

2004-08-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

This is my personal (as opposed to professional) blog.

Whatever I post here might be personal, but won't necessarily be my uncensored thoughts... More likely it will be my ideas and rants that I don't have any problem making public.

I don't promise to post on a daily basis, but hopefully on a regular basis.

Thanks for listening in... hope you enjoy the program.